A night of learning about myself (Originaly Published 4.6.08)

June 10, 2008 at 2:04 pm (Field Report)

This isn’t your typical field report. Most field reports are about approaches, lays or techniques. This field report will be about inner game and wing dynamics, while yes there are details on technique the focus of this report is inner game and relationships between wings. Plus its fucking long…

Friday Sarge Night

Its been a long and hard week for me. I had allot of work drama that was deeply twisting me up inside. I was glad the week was over and I could just forget the fact that I spent 3 hours that day trying to find the perfect rubber duck for a client who needed it for his promotional event. Yes thats right a fucking rubber ducky, this is why i moved to New York?

Regardless the night was calling and it was in the form of Raven. Raven is an awesome guy, who really wants to learn pick up. Hes also the heart of what I call the Pick Up Nerve center. Hes always telling me about an event or get together for pick up artists. Tonight he says the plan is to meet up with Shiznet’s and other PUA’s at Park on 18th and 10th Ave.

Park is an awesome bar, turns out allot of bootcamps take place at park or at least start too. I personally saw a mystery method bootcamp once and have heard from the other guys i know that they see a bootcamp being done pretty regularly.

It takes me an hour to get down to the city, I live in the north bronx. The commute is a pain in the ass but my rent is ubber the cheap and the neighborhood is nice. While I’m on the train I see this 6.5 skinny latina with long black hair. I smile at her when she sits down next to me and she smiles back.

Okay thats a clear IOI I think to myself. My AA flairs up and I kill it by reapting to myself my new rule, If i don’t approach and talk to a woman who interests me, I have to ad that approach to my regular sheduled sets that night sarging.

I throw out styles “OMG Shoe Opener” my voice is weak and delivery suck as usual, my heart is pounding and my brain going haywire cause im going against the natural flow of things and ignoring my massive AA. She asks me to repeat myself and i do in a stronger voice and explain how my “sister” has been looking for the perfect pair of shoes and I was unlucky enough to be dragged by her all day yesterday.

Well she responds really well. Its clear that I intrigue her or thinks im cute because she continues the conversation past the opener, but as always my inner game issues fuck me up. I go blank and eject. I rationalized my move to the fact that she mentioned she had a kid. But in all honesty I was just completely uncomfortable, felt self conscious and have allot of core limiting beliefs that fuck me over. These are some i constantly deal with.

1) Hefty/Fat guys cant get women above 6

2) I dont deserve an attractive woman

3) I belong in the friend zone

4) I work a very low value and boring job, women want a man with a high value job

5) I will always be at the mercy of my mental conditioning and cant hope to change it

But I was happy i opened my first set of the night. And yes it wasn’t a success but thats the best thing about NYC theres always a new set around the corner.

I met Raven and his wing who i will call Glasses. Ive gotten a weird vibe from Glasses. I don’t like to talk smack but I have never been to comfortable with the energy he gives off. Its not that hes tooled me or anything, mostly I find the guy too intense. He is a approach machine, he hits set after set but I see constant problems in his game. He doesn’t hook very often because:

A) His body language is horrible. He crosses his arms allot, leans in, and slumps. He does smile but by doing these other mistakes makes him look a little creepy

B) He doesn’t care about the answer the women give to the opener. Because of this his objective is practically tattooed on his forehead.

C) He doesn’t kino. So when he does hook his sets fizzle out because hes not escalating.

I have told him all of this but I don’t think he heard me. Its so weird because he is not outwardly hostile or anything but I feel this hostility coming from him, like hes thinking “Who the fuck are you to give me advice?”. Maybe its in my head, maybe I’m reading things wrong but my talent has always been reading people.

We hit park and low and behold Raven is denied access by the sweet looking female “bouncer” (seriously can we come up with a name for women who do this job? not so sound misogynist or anything but bouncer is just not the correct term for a woman who does this because no offense this women could barely bounce a poodle let alone a 6 foot tall dude) because he is wearing apparently the shoes of criminals…TIMBERLANDS!

Shiznets arrives at this point. Shiznets is an awesome human being. His game is really impressive. He is high energy and gives off value and good vibes like crazy. He also has a good moral code, he doesn’t tool people and puts value in his wings. He also wont close a woman who is married or engaged no matter how hot she is or how much IOI’s she gives him (thats a story in itself).

We decide to bounce to a club i recommend called The Apartment. I went there once in my AFC days and was really impressed by it. As were walking over there Shiznets and are talking and joking around. Glasses asks me where the club was and i replied that i don’t know the exact address but know it by memory. After a few minutes Glasses and Raven quickly walk past us and are ahead a full block.

When we arrive we meet Tommy. Its really clear that Tommy has style, the man looked really well put together and had some awesome body language. Plus he gave off a really relaxed and playful vibe.

Well guess what guys. Apartment turned out to be a no go, it was a private party. Man we were pissed. Glasses said he new a bar up the road we could go into. 5 blocks later this bar was no where to be seen.

As we walked to the phantom bar. I noticed that women who were walking past us were staring at Tommy. I told him and he said hadn’t even noticed.
He was kicking himself for quite a bit.

The guys finally decided to hit a bar in Washington Square park. Had I known it was there i would have suggested something else because it was a hell of a walk. Half way there things started to change, I started to have this feeling of racing against the clock, oh man it was midnight and not one approach! Then I noticed that i was in the back of the group, walking by myself. My insecurities stated to show..

-Im in the back of the group, that means im not valued enough, i have to show value

– Im not talking, why am i not talking? TALK DAMN YOU!!! TALK!!

– Why is this walk so hard on me? Im such a fat tub of lard! Why would anyone woman want to to be a fatso like me who cant walk like these other guys

– Im not in the conversation, am i being shut out on purpose? do they hate me?

– Oh no does Raven feel bad? have i made him feel bad?

– Why couldn’t they have gotten a cab? what the fuck? Cant they see i’m struggling here? Do they care?

My leg was killing me, a few years back i feel off my motorcycle going 45 miles an hour. My leg tends to go numb and being to give me pain during duress. My weight seems to aggravate the injury. The pain of my leg just fed into my negative mentality. By the time we got to the bar I was in a foul mood.

I didnt want to approach because I felt my sets would only suck and i didn’t want to try with my leg throbbing, it felt like to much of a cost. I was in AA and i knew it, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for sucking with women. I hated myself for being a wallflower. I hated myself for going blank. I hated myself for hating myself.

I walked out of the bar in frustration 10 minutes after we got there. I went next door to Mcdonalds, got some fries and a bottled water and sat down to rest my leg and fight my negative mentality. I thought about my wings and how i was letting them down for bailing. I thought about how stupid it was for getting upset over nothing. I thought about how yes this night could suck but there would be other nights and if you did the odds the numbers were in my favor. Not every night would be an off night. If I crashed and burned enough i would get better just by sheer experience. In life there are no absolutes.

I went back to the bar. Inside the guys asked me what happened. I gave them a brief rundown. Glasses then approached a two set. He ignored her friend and started giving routines to his target. Shiznets jumped in and distracted the other girl. Now mind you both these girls were a solid 7.

Shiznets immediately started kinoing her. He later told me he had opened with
“Hey guess what I’m gay!” to which she responded “yeah but your so hot!”. It was real interesting watching this interaction. This chick was touching her hair allot, talking close to Shiz and letting him kino and reponding to it by hugging him. Shiz seems to have no fear which is what i like about him.

Glasses on the other hand, had started strong but since he didn’t kino, it was clear he want escalating plus his body language was not friendly at all. The girls boyfriend came in the set and i could see from a distance Glasses was threatened. He didnt befriend the boyfriend which shows lack of respect for him and gave away his intent. He was blown out pretty quickly.

I looked over at Shiz and he was kissing his girl.

Tommy kept hounding me to approach. He said look two set, GO GO!! DONT THINK GO! I approached and quickly walked past them. The AA Troll had me and he wasn’t letting go. I turn back and Glasses had entered the set i failed to open.

Tommy opened a tall girl who was an 8, He was making her laugh and was really having a solid interaction but he ran out of things to say and ejected.
Shiznets then ejected from his set, when i asked him if he got a number close he said he didn’t because she said she had a boyfriend.

Downstairs Tommy spotted a mixed set, he then told me “Dude if i open the guy will you go open the girls?” I said sure not thinking he would actually do it. Well this guy plops down next to his guy and says “Hey dude my best friend just broke up with his girl, how many months should i wait until i ask her out?”

I approach the girls, my AA is up the wazoo, but i cant let Tommy down. So i open with my james bond opener, they respond pretty well but i went blank on how to follow up so i bailed.

What the hell is wrong with me? i think. I then spot two girls holding flowers. So im like well I might as well go with my third approach of the night.

“Hey whats with flowers? are you guys are on dates or something?”

“its my birthday”

“Oh awesome! Happy Bday!”

“Thanks” (coldly)

“hey you dont look a day over 18”

“Thanks” (ice cold)

I thankfully bail. My energy level was way down, i didn’t believe my own shit and it showed. As the night progressed we hit bar after bar but every bar we picked was dead. The mood of the group started to shift, a friend of glasses had joined us, i didn’t talk to him much but the vibe in the group started to get more intense and aggressive.

Glasses approached like crazy, he hooked a few sets but was blown out for not sarging the friends or the conversations would die because he wasn’t kinoing or escalating.

Shiznets tried to open a set glasses had ejected from but the bitch shields were up full force and he was blown out pretty harshly. Shiznets had lost his frame and his energy level had died. He became dependent on the outcome of the interaction for validation. This is what sealed his fate.

Afterwards Shiznets, Tommy and I walked outside for a breather, we were talking when two girls walked by Tommy tapped me and pointed at them, i look at them and without thinking said “Hey” they turned back to which i had no response, I smiled and gave them a thumbs up.

“Uh thanks?” they replied and kept walking.

Yeah lame, i let my AA rule my night. So Shiznets and I called it quits. It was getting late and both our commutes are a pain in the ass. On the train ride home Shiznets confided in me that the last blow out had affected him. I told him he must be crazy, he had two kiss closes that night (one i didn’t see but heard about). He told me that he wasnt feeling in state and didnt feel congruent. He only acted the way he did because he was worried of not living up to the other guys standards. I told him if anyone should be depressed it should be me.

And then i realized it, I wasnt depressed I had a shitty sarge night and I was perfectly fine with it. Because I didnt take the rejection personal. This is huge for me. Before in my AFC days i would be depressed for at least a week and i wouldn’t go out the next night, that alone would take me a month if not more. But not only was I okay with a bad night but I was planning on going out the next day.

Lets sum up…

Sticking Points

1) Need to get my AA in check

2) Need to work on the delivery of my openers

3) Need to find value in myself and not depend on others

4) Need to let go of the outcome so my mind will go into state and not blank

Bonus Points

1) I barreled through my AA and made approaches no mater how rough they were

2) I didnt take the rejection personally and kept a positive attitude

3) I was a good wingman to Shiznets

4) i looked good but then again i always do when i sarge


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