Caramel’s Night Out (published 06.02.08)

June 10, 2008 at 2:48 pm (Field Report)

It had been a horrible week for me. My work load had doubled due to so many coworkers being out either on vacation or sick leave. Ad to this my landlord and I got into a heated argument about my apartment. I was not happy and it was the weekend of my birthday.

But it was Friday and I actively trying to overcome my depression. It was an uphill battle, if you cant feel comfortable in your own home then where can you? After work I decided to grab a drink with my coworkers due to it being my birthday. One of my coworkers was a natural but he was also a AMOG and has been increasingly aggressive toward me since he found out I was a member of the community. He began tooling me right off the bat, about how I was dressed. I tried to play it off and I think I showed a real indifference to his comments. But internally I became self conscious. Everything felt awkward and tight.

At the bar I was not in state, my energy was very low, my landlord called me and the conversation was very tense. I became tense and frustrated. I was upset that I was upset. I hate when people affect my state. I actively tried to fight it and for the most part I won, but even though I was not depressed I also had no energy. The Continental Bar is a real dive but for the price of the drinks its constantly full of people. Today was the premiere of Sex in The City and the women were out in droves. It was packed full of ladies. But I had no interest in approaching, I just wanted to punch my landlord in the face and drive off to the sunset.

I also was not pleased the the topic of conversation the natural kept bringing up was how much I creeped out the female coworkers which is why none of them came with us. Now normally this wouldn’t bother me, I creeped them out in my AFC days or when I first started learning and made the mistake of trying material on them (so i was damned forever in their eyes), but since I had so many things on my mind that didn’t help me feel any better.

The natural soon left and after a bit of singing with my coworkers to the jukebox songs (by the way the new jukebox sucks ass). I got a call from Raven and a text from Caramel, they would meet me at Legion Headquarters. Raven told me Shiz would not being going out with us, no reason was given, oh well we certainly could have used him that night. Martyr decided to hit Connecticut to sarge with The Undertaker. Man sarging in new locations, awesome.

I met up with Raven and Caramel. The energy was bad, for everyone, none of us were thrilled to be out. I tried to get into state and get my energy up but it was futile, as we took the train to plunge everything seemed to either remind us of our negative thoughts or cause alienation or irritation between us. Every time Raven would perk up, my low energy would bring him down and every time my energy went up his went down. Its like we couldn’t find our balance. It was very frustrating.

We got to plunge but they were only letting couples in and we were too chicken to as a girl to help us inside. The decision was made to go to a bar I really hate, Gas Light!. I hate this place because:

1)Has a flat screen TV on sports and allot of people wind up either wanting to talk about sports or getting distracted while you talk.

2)The music fluctuates sometimes its bearable but other times its blaring.

3)Its always a sausage fest in there.

Two seconds into the bar, Caramel was swarmed by a group of guys who proceeded to buy her drinks and comparing her to Jennifer Hudson. At least someone has some game tonight I thought.

I don’t want to say I had AA at gaslight, cause I didn’t, it wasn’t fear, it was ambivalence. I just didn’t have the energy to get into state and I felt it would be useless to approach if I was not in state. I was probably rationalizing but I don’t know. Raven also didn’t approach. Caramel finished getting her drinks and we decided to bounce.

We left for Redemption, the area was pretty dead, everyone was in the meat packing district due to the sex and the city movie. We hung around a few minutes but no one approached. We hit Sutton Place next, which is an okay location but lately I haven’t been digging the crowd, its very preppy. Plus they wont let me wear my fedora, which was the case this time. So i didn’t wear it, inside, in the upstairs bar though that was a different story. Last time the bouncer had let me wear it upstairs.

We go in and at this point were just marching in defeated. I was a little irked at myself. We walk in and I spot a bachelorette party. The bride is wearing her veil and a blinking blue ring. I decide to call Martyr:

Martyr: Hey whats up?

Me: Dude I’m choding out, where at Sutton Place and I’m too beat to approach.

Martyr: Hmm well think of it this way, your an awesome human being and do you really want to deny people from experiencing your awesomeness? Do you really want to do that?

Me: lol okay I better go.

Martyr: Okay see ya!

I tell the guys I will be right back, I proudly march over, I take a gigantic table and move it out of my way. I have no fear, I have to open one set tonight I will not be a complete chode. I go over and say

Me: Hey guys, real quick, first off congratulations…

Bride: Thanks!

Me: Your welcome, but I simply have to know, where did you ever find that ring?

They are loving me, they go into how they got the ring at Tiffanie’s, its a 5 set and they are all being incredibly nice. Turns out they are from England, the accent is such a turn on. But during the conversation I start to get this sinking feeling, all I can think of is how I wont be able to keep this up. I feel fear in my heart and eject.

One girl a cute HB brides maid is actually disappointed when I leave. I head back and just feel bewildered by my actions. This is starting to be a sticking point, fear of loosing the interaction because I enjoy it so much I don’t want to fuck it up. So I eject instead.

I head back to Caramel and Raven, as I speak to Raven about what happened. Caramel turns and opens a tall blond southern boy. Caramel is working the set well, at first he was a little tipsy but he sobered up pretty quickly. You could tell he was into her but she was making a classic mistake. She didn’t kino so the interaction eventually died out

One day I want to write a manual for women to pick up guys.

So it was clear neither of us would sarge. We were all a little disappointed in ourselves. Caramel said that sometimes we should just stay home because we all need a break from sarging. I disagreed, I believe that we need to push ourselves to go out even if we don’t get results. I don’t want to ever be complacent again. Raven just felt that we all have off nights and maybe hes right.

In the end I was not disappointed in the night, in fact I felt relieved one bad night equals a great night the next outing. And the next day would be my birthday celebration.

Lets Sum Up Shall We?

Sticking Points

1)Need to get the energy up regardless of the situation

2)Need to approach even if I don’t have a high state

3)Need to stop prematurely ejecting

4)Need to stop giving a crap about what other people think

Bonus Points

1)Didn’t show my coworkers that I was upset, this is a good tool to use in shit tests

2)I opened a set despite my negative emotions and it hooked!

3)Didn’t let a off night ruing my optimism

4)Had some good banter moments in my set (smiled and had decent body language too)

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