Its The Newbie Sarge! (Published 05.05.08)

June 10, 2008 at 2:35 pm (Field Report)

It was Friday and I was happy for two reasons, one my week at work for finally over and two it was newbie sarge! I was really excited to meet the guys from the board. The following field report will be only one mans account of what transpired that night. The names and faces are a blur so forgive me if I forgot your handle, it was a very active night. Its kind of a blur to be honest…

I got out of work at 6pm, I was invited to go out drinking by my coworkers but I didn’t feel like it. Call me crazy but hanging out with a bunch of guys who tool me in front of my female coworkers doesn’t appeal to me…go figure. So I hop on the subway and head to Union Square, I hang around Virgin records and realize that its pretty ironic that allot of PUA’s choose to meet at a store called “Virgin”.

I spent the hour before the sarge just walking around, there was a free Tibet demonstration, it honestly looked like it was going to pour. Shiznets called me and told me he was going to be late and asked me to make sure they wouldn’t leave until he got there. I hit a cafe and had some Oreo cheesecake and proceeded to sit by the window and watch the cheesecake that walked by. Oh man there were some hotties in this area, some tourists which i find kind of gross but allot of classy intellectual girls who were hot!.

At this point Martyr called me to announce his arrival we met up then got a call from Raven that he was also there. Once we all met and talked for a bit, we all proceeded to The Stand Burger. From the get go I knew this location was not going to work, I knew that the crowd would be big and this place was already packed. As we stood outside we were greeted by some members of the board. One funny exchange was between Hando and Martyr

Hando: Whats your name?

Martyr: Tommy

Hando: No whats YOUR name?

Martyr: um…Tommy?

Hando: What name do you go by?

Martyr: Tom…Tommy?

Hando: Whats your handle on the boards dude?

Martyr: …..


Martyr: …. Martyr

Hando: Cool how are ya dude?

Hando was actually the first person to approach us, he seemed like a really cool guy. My PUA sense was going crazy because you could immediately tell who was a PUA and who wasn’t, not to many folks were peacocking like crazy but allot of us were in suits or had crazy shirts. As time went by our group of 8 soon became 18 and finally 24.

Allot of guys came up to us and were like


“um yeah hi!”


Got to tell you its the best feeling in the world having a rep for being a newbie to the scene. We met allot of people like Blitz who was an awesome guy and Bruskie who was a chill dude. I also met this one cat who i forgot his name but just called him The Undertaker for the entire night. He actually hung out with us for a while, mostly talking to Raven and Martyr.

So before I go further I want to say what I thought the amazing NYC Sarge Team leaders would look like.

Achilles – I thought Achilles was a cool black guy, probably tall and laid back. I also thought he would dress in a very hip hop/ urban gear. I pictured like a P-Diddy looking cat.

Love Pirate – I thought Love Pirate would be in his mid twenties, I pictured a weezer fan, someone who is a geek but works with it.

The Judge – I thought The Judge would look like mystery, a gangly looking guy who was sort of gothy looking and a little bit of Chris Angel thrown in.

Now on to the report.

As were standing there it becomes obvious that we are not eating there. Theres far to many of us. I started to get this feeling inside me the best way i can come to describe it is when your 10 and you go to summer camp for the first time. Your nervous but excited all at once. Raven taps me on the shoulder and says

“Theres Love Pirate”

He looked nothing like i thought he would. First off he looked allot like Steve Bucemi. He did a quick survey of the group before he announced his presence. He was sizing everyone up, I could tell. He also had a shit eating grin on his face, like a kid who has just pulled a wicked prank and was waiting for the punchline.

We introduced ourselves to Love Pirate and he was one cool cat. Very talkative and funny, I was immediately impressed with his positive attitude and carefree demeanor. There was allot of game discussed. I could have stood there for hours just listening to Love Pirate talk.

At this point Shiznets arrived and was greeted by a big hug from Love Pirate. At this point conversations and interactions started to blur I must have spoken to a dozen people. Raven pointed out the Judge to me and once again I was completely wrong.

The Judge was as tall as me. He was dressed like a Italian capo, all he needed was a gun strap. At this point it was decided that we would head to a restaurant that was meant for the likes of us. Someplace with class and elegance. A place with affordable food. I am speaking of course of McDonald’s.

So we all bounced to McDonald’s but the downstairs area was closed. I was overwhelmed, my head was processing way to much information. I felt completely out of place and bombarded with over visualization. Slowly I started coming out of it, I spoke to The Judge for a bit and Love Pirate, got to love L.P’s talent for talking, I don’t think he could ever run out of interesting things to say.

At this point Caramel calls me, she had told me she wanted to be at the newbie sarge because she spends allot of time reading my field reports and other posts on the board.

Caramel: Hows the gathering?

Me: Its really cool, no one looks like i thought thought they would

Caramel: How many people showed up?

Me: Um…25 I think

Caramel: 25?! How am I supposed to pivot 25 guys?!

We had a huge laugh about that, I told her we would meet her at the location of the sarge.

The Judge was really cool, once he got started on game and his experience it was like a bath of information. It was refreshing to hear someone talk about how similar it was starting out in this. The folks at McDonald’s were getting ticked at us, PUA’s were sarging the cashiers, forming groups of people talking.

At one point one PUA came to say goodbye to us and wound up accidentally saying goodbye to the chodes sitting next to us. They were pretty surprised by some guy just randomly shaking their hand and saying goodbye. We all had a laugh about it.

I asked Love Pirate who Achilles was, he pointed across the room to the man with the best style in Mcdonald’s. As always I was wrong in what Achilles looked like, he wasn’t black, I have to say that Achilles looked like something out of a fashion magazine (no homo). The dude radiated value and he had a crowd around him most of the time. Shiznets and I decided to introduce ourselves.

Achilles looked at me and said

“Let me guess…Warlock”


“Come here dude”

Gave me a bear hug and shook my hand. Talking to Achiles really woke me up. Hearing him talk specifics about my field reports and hearing him relate to it just gave me the inching to do some sarging. At this point an old man walked up behind me and poked me sharply with his pencil to get out of his way. Bastard didn’t say a word, not even excuse me. I didn’t say a word but wouldn’t you know suddenly security came and told us we had to leave because “someone” complained that we were being a bother.

Martyr told us we should start heading to the location. So we all got together and hit the road, as we were walking Shiznets bumped into a old wing who used to sarge with him. He was handing out flyers for his seminar, turns out he was an instructor. Shiznets got frustrated that someone who started when he did would be so advanced. I told him not to worry about it.

May I just say that it was fucking cold out! It was very cold and pretty misty as well. The walk to the location wasn’t that bad, true it was long but luckily my leg didn’t act up. As we walked over, I got a call from Caramel.

Caramel: Where are you guys?

Me: Were almost there.

Caramel: You guys suck I opened two sets already and now their gone!

When we arrived, I asked Caramel about the sets…

Carmel: “One set was a group of HB 6 and 5’s but the other had at least a HB7 in it”

The guys flipped out, Caramel had officially picked up the community language by just reading the board!

We went upstairs and were welcomed to Plunge! Yeah thats right flakers, The Plunge was the location and boy was it impressive. I have to say it was a very beautiful bar. It was also fucking overpriced as hell. 16 bucks a drink! Thats a great deterrent for anyone to supplicate and by a girl a drink. After 3 times you would have to take out a loan to pay back your bill.

As we got settled a feeling of dread came over me. Well not dread per say rather the nugget combo of McDonald’s. I ran to the bathroom (which was quite pretty by the way) and well…I’m not going to into it (unlike some people….you know who you are) whats interesting is that while I was in there I could hear a instructor actually doing a boot camp. He was an older guy and I think…not sure but could have been Glen P, his voice did sound like his. He was running the interaction but I could tell by the older womens voices that he was having a real power struggle with them. When I got out I saw them, it was two older swiss women (HB5 & HB6…just barely). This PUA was older, had blond hair and a lounge lizard blazer. If anyone saw this guy and knows who he is please call 1-800-GET-GAME.

I went back to Caramel and Raven, who were talking to Hando.

Hando: Dude this chick is cool!

Me: Yep I know

Hando: Yeah shes my girlfriend now…

Me: Get in line…

I spent about 30 minutes introducing Caramel around, she was the real hit of the party. I felt like the Judge really bonded with her. After 40 minutes Plunge got crazy, it was packed full of people. It was definitely target rich but there were allot of seated and mixed sets. The AA dragon was stirring. Caramel told me to open, but I couldn’t pick a set, the AA dragon was breathing fire.

Caramel opened a 3 set for me, and I went in. I was doing pretty well for myself. I was talking a Asian HB6 and was doing well when i felt a tap on my shoulder. It was natures cock blocker… The Bouncer.
This a-hole tells me


I ignore him and try to go back into my story, when i feel a stronger shove.

“I said move”

I move a little and being to feel my social value plummet. He shoves me again and says farther. I look him straight in the eye and say

“Dude, your cock blocking me”

He looks at me with a blank expression. I move and try to continue the conversation but my set was blown, I had lost too much value and the conversation deteriorated. I ejected, Raven on the other hand was sarging another girl of the group. I decided to reopen so i brought Martyr in to talk to one of the girls while I tried to reopen my target, nope it was still dead, so I ejected for good this time.

Getting tooled really has a bad effect on me. I began to feel my confidence and inner game start to plummet and I was locking up and getting in my head. It was the AFC voice in my head.

“You haven’t gotten better, look at the rest of the legion they are so much better than you..”

“Your not going to get better, you should give up”

I was bumbed and it showed, some of the other PUA’s saw this and asked me how it was going. My body language and facial expression must have said it all. I walked around and saw Martyr and Shiznets in a two set, I felt a hand on my shoulder it was the Judge. He knew what I was going through and told me I had to get into a set, he said just approach anyone screw it. A cute HB with glasses walked by, I feebly told her I liked her glasses she gave me a look that said


I didn’t care, I shrugged and the Judge told me a moving target was the hardest set to open. At this point Martyr ejects from his set and comes over….

Me: What happened?

Martyr: The bitch shields were in full force, I don’t want to talk to her shes boring and a pain. I cant take it.

Me: But with no one occupying the obstacle Shiznets will loose the set.

Martyr: I cant go back, no way…

Me: I’m going in…

(Que “Highway to the Danger Zone”)

Martyr: Go dude!

I jump in with a huge grin and say

“Hey are you guys stealing my friend?!”

I get introduced and immediately target Indian HB 7. From her body language I could tell this chick thought she was hot shit and wanted to rub it in my face. I had to act fast.

Me: Wow thats a nice dress

Her: Thank you

Me: Yeah I saw a girl in the other room wear one in pink but you wear it well.

We talked a bit and she was really aggressive, when I told her what I did she tried to dismiss me and I called her on it. When I tried to ask her to qualify she pretended to get pissed to jar me. I replied with how i admired how she didn’t take shit and stood on her own. On a sub-communication level this is what was going on….

Her: I’m so hot give me value so i can tell you to fuck off and feel better about myself

Me: nope

Her: What why not? Whats wrong with you im hot!”

Me: Your not that hot, trust me your not hot enough to be giving me these many shit tests.

Her: Yes I am!

Me: No your not…

Her: I eat guys like you for breakfast

Me: Listen I’m only talking to you to waste time until my friend number closes your girl.

Finally Shiznets tells me she wont give him her number. This sparks a debate that they believe women shouldn’t give their numbers but receive them. Value takers…figures, i thought to myself. Shiznets made jokes and basically tried to get the number. I tried to help by telling styles 100% perfect woman story. I then got interrupted by my obstacle.

Indian HB 7: Oh now I know you write comic books ~sarcasticly~

With a blank expression…

Me: I know right?

And I head back into the story, but its not working and the sets been blown. So we eject. We then find the Judge who tells us to pick any girl and he will sarge her. I decide I cant let this opportunity go to waste, so I point to the hottest girl in the room. She was a HB 9.5, she looked like a cross between Noimi Campbel and Beyonce. We called her HB Beyonce.

What happened next can only be described as masterful. I compared it to a ballet where you are crying by the sheer perfection of it.

HB Beyonce was sitting down with her less than attractive friends. Heres the run down HB4, HB5, and two HB6’s next to HB Beyonce.

The Judge approaches as if he is looking for someone (I swear I know he was faking it but even I started to believe that maybe he was lost!) then acts like he just noticed HB4, he proceeds to do his opener which hooks the mother of all hooks. As he is saying it he is sitting down, soon they are all laughing and high fiving him. All this time he is completely ignoring HB Beyonce and you can see she is enjoying just watching him.

Shiznets and I are acting like two girls at a NYNC Concert.


Like some kind of mental command the entire group but HB Beyonce leave, now the judge is on the couch next to her, making her laugh and she is loving it. Shes kino pinging him. We are in the corner watching this squealing in glee like little girls

Oh no! Here comes the cock blocker, a friend who was not in the original group. Should we wing him we think. No, I’m way to intimidated thats like playing guitar in high school and being asked to play next to John Mayer (So sue me I like John Mayer Music). But luckily he doesn’t need a wing, he disarms the obstacle and number closes HB Beyonce.

We give him a heroes welcome when he returns. At this point I go see Caramel who is now hanging with Neo. Who i find out is from Mexico (seriously i would have never guessed, i honestly thought he was Italian or some other European country). Once again I have lost Shiznets and Martyr. Raven arrives, he tells us that he didn’t number close the girl because she began talking about her x-boyfriend in set. She had allot of baggage apparently. Go figure…

I then decide to open up a 4 set with Hando, I go up and do my James Bond opener. It bombs, the girls seem annoyed and disinterested. Its like pulling teeth so we eject. I must be doing something wrong. It must be that since I find the opener boring it must be telegraphed in my voice and body language. I am not high energy. Why do I have such problems with my energy levels?

I don’t give a crap that they disregarded me like trash, at least I approached. Rejection doesn’t bother me, its the act of approaching that kills me. But thats another post.

I finally find Shiznets, he is jumping and giggling like a mad man, apparently Achilles winged him in a set.

Shiznets: Hes such an awesome wing!

Me: Is he better than me?

Shiznets: yeah!


Shiznets: No I luuuuuve you!!!

He hugs me. Yeah a grown man hugging another man screaming how he loves him, mad homes.

Anyway at this point I see that Hando is sarging a HB girl who looks allot like Caramel, I point this out to her and she starts laughing. I thought she was a HB8 but when she turned around I let out a screech and almost jumped into Caramels arms. Eh that sounds mean, I know but I was just surprised that her face did not match that kicking body. Hando turns to talk to some other PUA, at this point Shiznets comes to talk to me and HB Face starts to rub his chest. Yeah shes all over Shiznets, but Shiz doesn’t close, I think he was to flabbergasted to do anything but banter.

We get word that The Judge is bouncing us to another location.

As we are about to leave the HB grabs Caramel and asks for her phone number. Thats right folks the only member of the Legion of Superfreaks to close was Caramel. We head out, The Judge and his crew hop in a car to hit the location.

I look across the room and see Achiles talking to Shiznets previous target, if anyone can number close her its him, I give him a salute and I’m off.

So it’s the Legion, Caramel, Hando and Neo, on a quest to get to east 59th street. It took us a long time of walking to find a cab, at one point we figure we are not going to make it when I stick out my arm and a limo pulls over. Thats right I hailed down a limo. My first limo ride ever, and its a piece of crap but it was still cool to show up at the location in a limo. On the ride there were shooting the shit going over DHV’s like the ring routine and 100% perfect girl story.

We arrive at the new location. I stop by the ATM and grab some cash. We head in and go upstairs the roof of this place is a sausage fest. The Judge and I are talking having a great conversation. He tells me to approach but the set I was eying is invaded by a chode, so thats a no go. Raven and Martyr try a two set but they get blown out.

Its pretty much a given we are going to have to try the lower level, we head down and its a better location. The Judge tells Shiznets to pick him a set and he does. Once again I want to cry when I see this man work, its like watching picaso paint. It seems so effortless for this guy. He goes in and in less than a minute he is hugging this girl. She winds up buying the guy a drink.

Shiznets, Martyr and Caramel head downstairs. Its me with Bruskie and the other PUA’s. The Judge decides to take Neo into a set, which he does. He approaches a two set, I spot a 3 set and point it out to Bruskie.

Me: Dude you should approach

Bruskie: I don’t know

Me: Fuck this come on.

I stand next to them with Bruskie, I decide to use an opener I have been thinking of for a while.

Me: Hey guys, real quick, how old do I look?

Them: Um I dunno 24, 21?

Me: Im going to be ~BLEEEP~ in a month

Them: No way! You look so young!

Me: Yeah but see heres the deal when I grow my goatee i look allot older. I was thinking you know I’m going to turn ~BLEEEP~ I should really start growing up, what do you think?

Them: Blah Blah

Its hooking, The interaction has come to the critical point to jump threads, I’m about to when Bruskie decides to jump in because he feels he needs to distract the obstacle. He mumbles something, and the set begins to go sour. I dropped the ball here because I should have lead but I didn’t. So we eject, Bruskie feels really bad about this but I’m assuring him its fine and it is! I had a solid interaction it doesn’t matter if it fizzled there would be more in the future.

The Judge congratulates me cause he saw me approach, he also says I have really solid style and avatar. This really meant allot of me, I was shocked when he said he was looking forward to meeting us. I am such a fanboy.

I go downstairs and see that both Martyr and Shiznets are in a set, Shiznets is talking two these two blonds one has the most beautiful breasts I have ever seen. I was drooling like a dog. I decided to wing him but Shiz gives me the code that he doesn’t need me so I bounce. I head upstairs to hang with the other PUA’s and we are talking for a long time.

We decide to bounce to a dinner and we meet up with Caramel and Raven, turns out Shiznets had to bounce because of work. So we all head to the dinner where Martyr meets us. The Judge and Caramel were the life of the party, I swear I could have sat there and just listened to the Judge talk for hours but I hit the wall and was crashing. Caramel, Martyr, Raven and I said our goodbyes to the crew and went home.

On the subway I fell a sleep with a grin on my face, even though I didn’t open allot or really close, I had the time of my life. If only I could feel this way every friday.

Lets sum up shall we?

Sticking Points

1)AA is getting the best of me
2)I am not building attraction
3)I don’t handle interrupts well
4)I need to get my routines down

Bonus Points

1)I negged well
2)I was a good wingman
3)I hooked one set
4)I opened a few sets


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