Regression Is A Bitch (Published 05.08.08)

June 10, 2008 at 2:37 pm (Field Report)

On Saturday, Shiznets, Caramel and I saw Iron Man. Good flick (you guys better stay past the credits), we go out at 11pm it was a late start to the sarge night. We took a cab and met Martyr and Raven at Virgin as usual. We all decided to hit Pianos again and see where the night took us.

On the drive over, we all were having a good time talking and joking around. I could tell Shiznets was feeling a little rusty, it had been two weeks since he had been sarging what with loosing his license and all. But thankfully we were all in a very chilled vibe, I had spent the day with Caramel talking and getting into the groove of things.

I felt confident and relaxed, tonight would be a good night…I was an idiot.

We hit Pianos and once walked in I felt that fucking dragon begging to stir again. The place was packed which added more anxiety within me. I could barely breath, people were shoving, I don’t know why they kept letting people in. A two set was in front of me (Hb7.5 & HB7), I wanted to open it.

Which opener should I use? James Bond? No, Guess My Age? Would that work again? Should I go direct? Like Martyr had been saying to do? Should I try an opener from the VH1 show? What if they know the show? They might put me on the spot?

I was getting in my head…again! But fate was in my favor cause the two set opened Caramel. For some reason girls just seem to love Caramel, they treat her like a sorority sister or something. Its uncanny! One of the girls looks over at Caramel and strikes up a conversation about how crowded the bar is, I slide in very smoothly and take control of the conversation. I begin light banter on HB7.5, Shiznets comes in and immediately picks a target, sadly it was the one I was eying but I hadn’t made my target clear so I let him start running the set.

I introduce myself to the other HB, when I shook her hand she squeezed it. Hmm I think this is a clear IOI. I found out she was an actress (eh) and we began talking about the method she used and the affects acting has on ones psyche. The conversation was pretty boring for me, she was a little tipsy as well. I don’t know why I did but I got bored of her very quickly. I think its because it was so loud and I stayed on the topic of acting for a long time, she didn’t mind cause she was an actress and all actresses love to talk about themselves.

I then merged the set with Shiz’s set and let him lead for a bit, he turned off his target cause he over negged her. I started speaking to her because it was clear that Shiz was blown out, this was clear when she started talking about “her boyfriend”. I could have continued with my target but the thought of speaking to this girl over the phone made me want to go take a nap. So we ejected and as I said my goodbyes my target held my hand for a longer than usual amount of time which I couldn’t tell if it was a IOI or just cause she was tipsy. So playing it safe, I gave her my card. By the way I’m going to avoid this because I’ve done this twice and they never call.

We met up with the guys by the door and decided to bounce. Shiznets and I opened a set that Raven was having AA with, it went okay but we both weren’t into it, so it didn’t hook. We bounced.

We walked around a little trying to find a new location, that area was pretty crowded we tried to get into someplace called the dark room I think…no i probably am getting the name wrong. Either way we couldn’t get in, it was so packed they were waiting for people to leave to let more in. This of course was not a place we wanted to go to. So we bounced to another bar, it was pretty packed. I forget the name of this place but there were allot of seated areas, oh the dreaded seated set how i fear you.

Once again no one could approach and we decided to bounce, Caramel and I walked out, she bumbed a cigarete off some girl and as she was trying to find a ligther a bumb came up and asked me for change.

“Sorry Buddy” I said and turned to greet Raven as he came out, Caramel got a light from the bumb and she started to talk to Martyr and Shiznets as they two came out of the bar. Shiznets was excited, he came up with a new way to get over AA. Rock Paper Scissors, who ever lost had to approach first plus you had to approach in a minute or else you would be a looser. I had a bad feeling about it, but i went along anyway, Martyr lost and I won. So I was last in turn, Raven decided to open a set behind me. He asked some girls for a recommendation for a bar or lounge. One of them told him that if he bought her a drink he could go with them. He said no, they told him “Fuck You“, he said “okay“ smiled and walked away. I told him next time a girl says “Fuck You” say what a guy I used to know would always say “When? And Where?“ It makes no sense whatsoever but I used to see women crack up all the time about it.

Martyr and all of us went inside to approach. Martyr approached a two set and from my point of view hooked, he was in the set for a while. The body language I saw was in his favor. Shiznets decided to open a set so he opened a mixed 3 set with his mets opener. It hooked but he ejected after a bit. Caramel went to the back to look around. Raven disappeared. Shiznets said I should open, I could not find a set, or maybe i didn’t want to find a set because I was so terrified. I decided to use up my turn and get blown out, so I approached a mixed 4 set. I tried to use Shiznets mets opener but it was pretty obvious I hated sports so I got blown out in an blink of an eye. Yeah I used up my turn but I didn’t feel I learned anything which was very frustrating. Shiznets said that it didn’t matter but I felt like it did.

I bumped into Raven who said he approached twice but was blown out. We all talked for a bit and watched Martyrs set, it went pretty well and then he ejected. He told us the obstacle was too difficult, I had tried to wing him but he had given me the signal to leave. He said he got confused and didn’t know which signal was to leave and which was to stay.

We all went to the back section of the bar to find Caramel in a 4 set of guys. She was sarging! She was doing pretty well for herself, she had the guys eating out of the palm of her hand. We all went up and sized up the guys, they were cool dudes. Not PUA’s but just cool guys. After a bit, Caramel ejected and we bounced again.

Outside we stood around and talked for a bit that same bum came and gave Caramel a lighter to light her cigarette but then would not leave. We were all talking and this guy was still standing there. I was starting to get annoyed. He then proceeded to hit on Caramel. So I put my arm around her and said.

“Hey Bro, Are you really hitting on my girl?”

The guy freaked out a bit and walked away. I just AMOGed, man now I know why guys do that. It’s a pretty good feeling to take value away from someone. Still its wrong and I’m not that guy. The bum then proceeded to hit on Martyr.

Yeah sorry dude, cant pretend to be your gay lover. Martyr ignored him and he went away. Freaking hysterical though.

We walked around a bit but realized that allot of the places we wanted to go to were far to packed, seriously
There were lines around the block for some bars. We decided to bounce, as we walked to the car we bumped into Casanova and another PUA. Wow one newbie sarge and we were already bumping into other PUA’s instead of just guessing if they are or not. As were talking a couple of girls who are just standing there ask Martyr where we are going, Martyr jokingly says “Are you stalking us?”, one of the girls try to shit test him and he brushes it off.

We get a recommendation from Casanova and head toward midtown. As we are leaving I see one of the girls give Martyr the puppy dog eyes. I tell him and he says that he always misses those signs. Half a block from the car, some kid gets busted by a cop for peeing in the corner. That was pretty funny, its always entertaining seeing stupid people get busted.

In the car something feels off, its like time is against us, its already 1am and we have barely sarged. But I’m pretty chilled. Shiznets mentions the rock, paper scissors game, I’m starting to feel dread. We arrive at the location, Shiznets makes us play the game. Im second in turn, Martyr looses again, he’s first. I’m optimistic, I mean ill just use up my turn right? Keep reading.

The place was pretty pimp, I forgot the name of the place but it was numbers, once again we had to head up to the roof. It was two floors, the first floor war a bar and lounge, the upstairs was a rooftop bar. Everyone was wearing red robes, it was kind of creepy like I walked into a satanic ritual. Shiznets began to countdown to Martyr for him to approach, I pointed to a two set and he went in. Guess what? He hooked! Shocker!!

“Okay Warlock its your turn!” Shiznets said with glee.

I felt a cold sweat go down my spine. I turned and looked for a set, but it was all mixed.

“Come on you have a minute”

I walked and looked around

“40 seconds!”

Things started to blur, I couldn’t see anything but a mass blur of people.

“25 come on!”

“Wait”

“10 seconds! COME ON!!”

“STOP IT!!!” I screamed. I felt something snap. I was on fire, the fire of AA.

I walked away to a corner, I was pissed. Pissed at myself. I was embarrassed and ashamed.
I started pacing, trying to calm down. But my inner game had crumbled. All I could hear were

“You suck!”

“You cant open! Whats wrong with you?!”

“Everyone is getting better but you! You‘ll never get better”

“You’re the weakest member of the legion, its only a matter of time before they realize your just a looser and they wont be your friends anymore, who wants to hang with someone who cant open”

Caramel came over and talked to me. I tried to calm down but I couldn’t, I was freaking out and it was only getting worse. My body language became horrible, I had my hands in my pocket, I couldn’t speak because I knew if I did the inventible would happen. I looked around and saw people socializing. I wanted to be them, I wanted to not be socially retarded. I wanted to be normal…no I wanted to be better than normal, I wanted to be extraordinary. I wanted to be everything but who I was.

I went to the bathroom, closed the stall, sat down and cried. Yeah, I cried. I was a grown man and I was crying in the bathroom of a lounge. I prayed no one could hear me. I was ashamed. I hated myself so much in that moment for being weak and stupid.

After I was done, I got up and went outside. I walked to the corner and sulked. Caramel and Martyr came by to talk to me. They told me not to put so much pressure on myself. To not to compare myself to other people. That I had made allot of progress in the months, I had been sarging.

I could tell Shiz was spooked. We had agreed earlier in the night he could stay at my place. He asked me if he needed to go home. I told him no. I wasn’t mad at Shiznets, I was mad at myself. We walked out and we all agreed the night was over. In the car, Raven told me that I shouldn’t worry about it, that we all have rough nights. I told him it had been more than a few nights, I have plataeued.

See allot of you guys have AA because your worried about getting rejected. That’s not me. I have been rejected so much I am used to it. A girl telling me to fuck off or turning away, is like stepping on an ant to me. It’s the act of literally walking up to a girl that scares the living shit out of me. It stops me cold and its very, very frustrating. Fuck at this point, if I get rejected 20 times in a night, it’s a boon! That means I would have approached 20 sets in a night!

Martyr dropped us off at Pen Station, Shiz and I talked on the subway. I told him not to feel bad, I knew he felt guilty about everything. On the subway car, I made a decision and I told Shiz

“Dude if getting better means I have to cry like a bitch in a bar for a month straight, then I will do it cause I will never give up. I wasted 10 years being a chode, playing video games, watching Cinemax porn and dating online, I will not waste another 10 years doing the same or worse.”

We talked allot on that train ride to the Bronx. By the time we got to my apartment we were talking about how cool it will be to get good enough to pull girls back to my place for our own private party. How we could maybe one day, make our own Project New York. How we will be MPUA’s. It wasn’t a dream it was a promise.

Lets Sum Up Shall We…

Sticking Points

1) AA is kicking my ass and I’m not approaching
2) I let myself fall in a dark and sad place
3) I didn’t close, when I should have

Bonus Points
1) I kept a conversation going without going blank
2) I think I built attraction (still so new to me, I can’t tell)
3) At the end of the night, I bounced back and got my head in a positive frame of mind

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