Warlock and Ravens Birthday Extravaganza (06.05.08)

June 10, 2008 at 2:50 pm (Field Report)

I woke up late in the day on Saturday. It was pretty rough, I did not feel comfortable in my own apartment and had a tense conversation with my landlord. I was not going to let this ruin my birthday I was going to have a good night, regardless if I got good interactions or not. It was my birthday.

I left my apartment with a concrete plan. We would first go to a karaoke bar called second on second for a dollar you could sign a song. It was a great deal. At around 9ish we would then hit plunge and roll to other locations. With me I had a crown that I would wear and wizards hat for Raven. I also had a digital camera and a video camera to record the festivities. As always I carried my trusty fire wallet and some temp tattoos.

I arrived at second on second early, Raven joined me shortly. Raven and I now were wearing probably the craziest hats in the street. We were pumped, we were going to have an amazing time. Martyr ran a little late and we soon began the celebration. Marty and I both were the first to sing (I chose “Every Breath You Take” by the Police and Martyr sang a Fallout Boy song). Raven chose to do Bon Jovi. I have it all on tape but I wont show you guys, I would rather keep it as blackmail for the future.

A Bachlorette party rolled in, the finest one of the bunch was of course the bride. Who was this very tall, busty blond. Believe it or not, her best feature was actually her personality, she was really down to earth and very cool. I envy her future chody husband.

I was quickly called over by the girls in the group who loved my crown. One particular older blond woman was pretty taken with me. She asked to wear my crown and kept giving me these googly eyes that seems to just convey I dig you. We were bantering very well, she was clearly tipsy. Then I made the mistake of trying a Ozzie move and picking her up in the air.

Boy was she pissed! I think she got a little nauseous and it ticked her off. She scolded me and told me that I should never pick up a lady without asking her first. I laughed and played it off although inside I was freaking out, I’m still a little outcome dependent. Still I didn’t show it at all to the girl. In fact at one point when she was clearly pissed, I asked her for a pinky swear and she busted out laughing. She warmed back up to me and we were kinoing allot, but I didn’t take it anywhere and worst of all I kept thinking that I could close her at whatever time I wanted. Classic rookie mistake. I should always close as soon as possible because if not I will be going home with a boner instead of a number. Sure enough she disappeared halfway through a song.

Second on Second rocked, it was very economical. Songs only cost a dollar and they didn’t hound you to buy drinks. My only complaint is that the lighting sucked, I could barely read the selection of songs. Still its a good place to isolate. Raven and I came up with a game, we would each pick a selection and the person who had to sing it, would not know until he was up there. Raven made me sing RESPECT by Aretha and i got my revenge by making him sing Sinatra’s thats life. Martyr wouldn’t play, he had to know the song before he went up there. I don’t blame him it was scary going up there with no idea what you have to preform but its a hell of a way to get to state.

Love Pirate and One True Matt arrived, Love Pirate began sarging a real hottie but she was married. I think they all were to be honest with you. But I could tell she was into L.P. One True Matt was also very cool, we talked a little bit of game and he commented on my field reports which was cool. Things then started to get crazy. The Bachlorette party had certain things they needed to do. They asked me if I would give the bride a lap dance, I suddenly had the image of the bride screaming “MY EYES!! OH GOD! MY EYES!!!!” and quickly said no. I did agree to show them my underwear and I opened my pants and showed them my briefs. Martyr let the bride feel his abs which lasted for a while. And Raven wound up doing a body shot on the bride. Finally toward the end I had to serenade the bride so I sang “Talk Dirty To Me” by Poison. She joined me on stage and I wound up slapping her ass while singing the chorus, everyone was whooping and hollering not to mention singing along. It was a real blast.

Finally we decided to head out, I called Golden Child and crew to let them know we would be heading out to Plunge. I was in state when we headed over. The drive over was allot of fun. I tell One True Matt that hes ridding the bitch seat to which he replied in his gayest voice “Best seat in the house!” I was dying laughing.

Love Pirate was telling us tales of when he first started sarging which are always fun. Not to mention Raven and Martyr were just cracking jokes making all of us laugh. This would be an amazing night, I just new it. We arrived at Plunge and Love Pirate pulled two girls to let us accompany them inside. But as I reached into my wallet, I realized I had left both my license and credit card at the bar of Second on Second due to the fact that I opened a tab. So I had to jump in a cab and head all the way back to pick it up. By the time I got back everyone was inside, as I walked to plunge I heard people whisper “its the king” behind me. I was not in state and I was nervous I wouldn’t get in. I had no choice, I had to do something about this.

I saw two black girls walking up to the end of the line, so I went up and with the best smile and puppy dog eyes, I asked them If I could walk in with them. They smiled and put their arms around me. I truly was a king! Yes I walked into plunge with two hot black girls on either arm! Of course they wouldn’t let me wear my crown in Plunge (yeah New York lounges are so snobby) but I didn’t care, although it would have made interactions a shit load easier. People just loved that thing.

I started to get the suspicion that the two black girls were gold diggers or um something a bit more professional. First off one right off the bat went sexual on me which doesn’t mean anything but she asked me if I had a room in the hotel. Okay maybe the nimbus was so high that I was getting women interested in me by just standing there. In the elevator I had my hand on the railing, one of the girls leaned back and my hand brushed her ass. She gave me a come hither look and smiled. Then she said

“Baby your going to need money to be with me..” and gave me the international gold digger sign. In my head I was just thinking. Yeah right like I would spend money on you.

Once we got in, I ditched my ladies and found the guys. I was out of state and new I had to open. So in front of One True Matt and Raven I turned and opened a two set.

Me: hey guys, just wanted to say your dresses are lovely, very sex in the city

HB7’s: Uh thanks

Me: Yeah my name is Warlock what’s yours?

HB7’s: blee blah

After that well it went down hill, they eventually just ignored me and turned their backs to me. Oh well. I knew it wouldn’t hook anyway my energy was really low. I pointed at a 4 set and told Matt that he should go in and without a beat he did. He seemed to be doing pretty well. Jason eventually winged him. I spoke to Love Pirate and then decided to go into the set.

I just walked up and said whats up. I didn’t feel like doing the usual “hey have you seen Michelle line”. I mean the group was large enough that I didn’t have to pretend that I wasn’t being social. As I come in Matt laughs out loud at first I thought it was because of my rough entrance but it turns out that every time he was trying to eject someone would come in. After just speaking to them for 3 minutes i realized why he wanted to eject, they were insanely boring. Or maybe I was the one who was boring who knows. No wait I was because I was still refusing to lead the interaction and if you don’t lead thats when you get boring ass interactions. I need to work on that, I need to force myself into leading.

Another problem encountered was that the girls were leaving the next day. Most of them were from Florida and came to New York for the Sex and The City weekend. Yeah i know what your probably thinking, this would have been a great way to close. But your talking to a guy who had yet to kiss close, pulling seemed like something someone else could do not me. But this is yet another limiting belief I need to get over.

After that Martyr came by and told us to push him into a set due to his massive AA. We did and he of course hooked but ejected for no reason. We then spot a two set and tell Raven he should open because its his turn. We can see he has AA so we just keep repeating do it, over and over again. We don’t let him give us excuses or let him change the subject, we just say do it. Finally he does and really hooks this one girl. Then another PUA comes in out of nowhere and enters his set to wing him. The guy isn’t doing that bad but the boyfriend of the obstacle comes in and things begin to get tense, plus Raven isn’t escalating but I have to admit I would have done the same, there were allot of things working against him. Finally he ejects and we talk about the dynamics of the set he was in where for a bit.

At this point Golden Child and The Judge arrive! Both looking pimped out and ready to take on the world. We all talk for a bit and they start going into sets. Its really a treat to watch these guys work, allot of their sets are smooth that you forget why your in the club to begin with cause your so entertained by watching them.

I soon got into state and everything became a blur. I remember walking around plunge just saying hi to every attractive woman I saw. I said it with a smile and enthusiasm and they responded in kind. Soon I found myself near the outskirts of the hot room when I bumped into Golden Child and The Judge in set with two very hot HB7’s. Golden Child called me over and asked me to show them my fire wallet which I did to their amazement. They make me do it again when I do one of them stands behind me to see how the trick works.

HB7: Oh thats so gay!

Me: What are you talking about? Gay? What are you high?

Golden Child: Thats not gay! Whats wrong with you its his birthday!

HB7: Oh its your birthday? Then its not gay, its really cool.

Golden Child: Yo doesn’t my boy look pimp here?

HB7: Yeah he also looks a little like a pot head

Me: Its the glasses right, its all about the glasses

HB7: Nah its the beard

Me: Hey this is the tash of glory

They all start cracking up.

I wind up just talking to the girl and she begins throwing out that she is an “old fashioned girl” which of course translates to “I’ve made out with guys in bars before but I really want a boyfriend”. Im in the zone and say:

Me: Oh thats such crap women don’t want an old fashioned guy

HB7: No way! Of course they do!

Me: I know so many guys who have screwed up dates by buying women flowers

HB7: Yeah but it depends on how you do it

Me: Do you know whats the most romantic thing I’ve done?

HB7: What?

Me: Well back when I was 18 I was trying to get together with my x, so i found out that her favorite meal was lemon fried shrimp, I didn’t know how to cook so I invited all my friends over and some how we figured out how to make it., then I made a candle light picnic in my back yard and when she arrived I opened up the garage door with the remote and told her to come in. So the first thing she saw when she walked in was me in a suit and the picnic with candle light.

HB7: Awww your a romantic!

Me: I’m such a dork

HB7: NO WAY! Did she take you back?

Me: Of course we lasted for 3 years

HB7: Awww

These are the best pick ups, when your doing things on the fly. When you take a risk, remember fortune favors the bold. I could see an emotional spike in her. At that point Golden Child suggested we go back to the bar to see their friends. Turns out they were celebrating a friends birthday. I put my arm out and HB8 complies and interlocks her hand through my shoulder.

I’m quickly introduced to the rest of the girls, its a rather large group of 7 but they are taking care of themselves and creating mini groups. I’m holding hands with my target at this point. Nothing is awkward, everything is smooth. I’m introduced to a slender blond HB7 dressed in blue. My original target gets distracted and suddenly I’m talking to the Blue HB7 (who is from Baltimore). The conversation is interesting, we are kinoing like crazy, we even do some dirty dancing. At one point this gets dropped into the conversation

HB 7 Blue: Oh my god I think someone just grabbed my ass! I liked it!

I grab her ass.

Me: Wow thats firm

HB7 Blue: I teach yoga.

The girls want to bounce to the downstairs lounge and want us to come. Golden Child is on the fence, we all go back and forth eventually letting them go. In the end they wind up coming back because its dead at the bar downstairs.

Everyone disappears again. I wind up talking to Love Pirate, he asks me if I’m going to go for HB Blue, I say yes, he tells me to close it. Love Pirate looked really tired and a little frustrated, I could tell he was probably pretty beat. I spoke to Raven for a bit and bumped into other PUA’s then I find Golden Child in a 3 set, hes just leaning back while some chodes are trying to steal the set but failing miserably.

They eject and he tools the crap out of them to the girls. They HB’s are laughing their heads off as he imitates their chody behavior. I get introduced and once again im asked to show them the fire wallet, as I take it out of my pocket the HB8 Blond squeals

HB8: Oh I saw you! Light my cigarette!!

I place the cigarette in my mouth, turn on the fire wallet and light it, then hand it back to her. I feel like a bad ass doing it, and I have done a mayor DHV because I’m getting googly eyes all around. I’m asked to do it again and I refuse at first busting on them but eventually concede and do it again. There are squeals of delight all around me.

I dig this one girl who has allot of wicked tattoos, Golden asks me whats in the bag, I pull out my video camera and he flips out. We take videos of the girls wishing me a happy birthday, at one point I ask the tattoo girl for a birthday kiss, she smiles and tells me shes married. I reply with…

Me: On the cheek! God! Its all about you isn’t it

She busts out laughing. Suddenly chody husband appears and their other friend who at first I was impressed by because of her massive fake tits but then I saw her face and it was like plastic surgery gone wrong.

Golden is trying to lead the conversation of them bouncing but its clear one the girls is just being difficult because she can. Oh well her loss we bounce and find the birthday girls who are now being sarged by wannabe VH1 metrosexuals. We take two girls (one my original target) and start the video camera the girls are going crazy. One girl is the camera man, Golden is the host and I suddenly get a peck on the cheek from my target, we are all just flirting and having a good time.

I tell my target I want a birthday kiss from her on camera, she starts in on how shes old fashion, I grab her face and kiss her on the cheek (didn’t know how to go with it, maybe i should have gone for the make out). Her friend tells her to kiss me on the lips, she says that shes old fashioned, her friend replies since when! I hug her and tell them I love her anyway, she whispers in my ear something about being old fashioned, the sexual tension between us is palpable. Were holding hands.

Suddenly Cupcake also known as birthday girl arrives, we record a really sexually charged conversation between her and golden child. She is giving him serious fuck me eyes. I have it on tape, too bad I cant post it. Her friend then starts recording her cleavage and up her skirt. Its getting freaking crazy, I can tell that if golden child wants to, he could probably do a threesome with both girls. I dont know just a gut feeling here.

Eventually I am left alone with my target, I deploy the claw and she is very complacent. Shes tooling the metrosexuals. I am inches away from her face. And yet I don’t go for it! I should have! I should have fucking kissed her but I was to chicken shit to do it. I will always regret that but its a good lesson because now I will always go for the kiss.

Anyway she gets dragged away by her friend and the metro’s to sit at the ludicrous priced table. I walk around to find The Judge and Golden Child in a two set, they spot me and throw me in front of these two gorgeous girls. One of them the blond anorexic girl gives me a sneer pretty much saying “Oh look its a fat one, i hope he doesn’t think he can hit on me”

I’m at a loss for words because I felt thrown in, I look back and see Golden give me the international, TALK hand motion. I throw out this little gem.

Me: Huh, so what do you guys do.

HB7: Oh well I work in marketing but SHES A MODEL!!

and points to her, the girl gives me a zoolander look. I look at her and without missing a beat say.

Me: Oh what like a hand model?

They are completely flabbergasted.

HB7: WHAT? Whats wrong with you? How can you say that?! Look at her!

Me: Have you seen these hands? (I grab her hands) These are gorgeous hands! I just want to kiss them…

She yanks her hands away. Suddenly were interrupted by someone wanting a light. I take out my fire wallet but its out of juice, so i had to fake not finding matches in my “wallet” and hand them a real lighter, I thought about giving them the shocking lighter but I didn’t feel like getting my ass kicked.

I bump into Caramel and her friend Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit doesn’t recognize me at first, I kind of regret not using this to my advantage and playing a prank on her but oh well say la ve. We talk a bit, Caramel asks about One True Matt but he has already bailed. They wind up entering a two set of some really cool Indian guys.

The Judge and Golden Child are in set in front of me. I watch them for about 15 minutes work the sets. Both have solid game that I aspire to have one day. I know I’m progressing but I want to be smooth like these guys. Soon Warlock, Soon…

Anyhoo the guys eventually eject and go to find more sets. I walk around a bit just soaking in the atmosphere. As I walk I spot HB Blue talking to some chode. I jump in, hug her and just take her away!
HA! I am the shit!

Im leading her to her friends and shes telling me

“Okay im just following you”

While she holds my hand.

I take her to her friends and drop her off. Then I walk and open a one set by telling a girl shes hot. Shes from Canada and leave tomorrow. But shes very responsive but I eject, mostly cause I think its not worth talking to a girl who is leaving the country the next day. I know retarded. I bump into Love Pirate and introduce them, I talk to her friends who are being snobby to me. But I don’t give a shit.

I walk back to the bar and find HB Blue and Cupcake huddled in a corner. I ask them whats wrong, turns out the metrosexuals left the table and told them to watch their drinks. The manager comes over and tells them they have to pay $400 for a bottle of vodka and they cant leave. Their trapped in the club and freaking out. I tell them to calm down, that I will take care of it.

I go off to find Love Pirate to see what we can do, I know that he knows people at Plunge. As I look for him I spot one of the Metrosexuals and explain the situation to him, he tells me they will talk to the manager.

I go back and bump into the girls by the elevators. I tell them that everything is taken care of and they have nothing to worry about. HB Blue melts.


She gives me this look of pure love. I am a protector of loved ones. I am the man.
She tells me they are going to another bar and tells me I should give her my number then says
“No I will give you mine” she takes my phone and programs it in, then she calls herself put her purse on my chest so i can feel the vibration.

I give her a kiss on the cheek and shes close to my lips. I look at her and I say to myself.

What am I a fucking idiot?

And I kiss her. She gives me a look of pure lust and kisses me back quickly.

BOING! I have a boner!

“You New York boys are naughty” she says

“I know” I reply

Looking back now, I should have said

“Naughty? Thats not naughty, this is naughty” grabbed her and made out with her. Then I should have told her that we should go to her room. But I didnt,

She tells me shes going to see her friends and goes to her friends. I stand there grinning like an idiot. Raven passes by, I grab him and say…

“Dude! I just kissed a girl!!”

He smiles and replies

“Yeah me too”

I hug him (no homo) and tell him how proud I am of him. The girls get lost in the crowd thats rushing to the elevators, I never see them again.

I run and tell Caramel who freaks out and gives me a hug. Mozeltov! She squeals!I tell the Judge and Golden Child who give me high fives and tell me I’m progressing. We then decide to bounce, the Judge has gotten a call from one of his pivots. Hes on a mission from God! We bolt out of the club and walk a few blocks trying to hail a cab. Caramel and Jessica Rabbit agree to meet us at the location.

We get to the rondevu, argue with the cab driver who scams us out of the fare (i pay with my credit card and then he acts like it didn’t go through when i saw an approval page). Finally we all meet up, I now understand why The Judge was so gun ho to meet her.

Holy fuck guys! This chick was smoking hot! She was just my type, nerdy looking but really hot, plus goofy. Plus she seemed like a cool person. My hat is off to you my good judge.

We head to Sutton Place but its pretty weak. By this point the energy was dying and I was starving we we bail and go to the dinner down the road and sit to recap the night. As were talking the Judge gets up and tells us he will be right back. 5 minutes later he returns with a cute brunette in tow. Wow!
Golden Child will not be upstaged, he goes out and scores a girls number.

As we sit and eat and laugh, i look over and see Raven laid back in his chair enjoying his conversation with Martyr. I see The Judge sarging his girl and the googly eyes are in full effect. I see Golden Child scanning the street and dinner for more targets. I see Caramel and Jessica Rabbit giggling while they eat their fries. This is why I go out, this is why I sarge. Life is sweet.

Martyr, Raven, Caramel and Jessica Rabbit leave, while I order dessert. As I bite down on my chocolate cake, The Judges girl squeals and begins to sing me happy birthday, the entire dinner joins in. I am beat red. Finally we call it a night. The Judge walks out his lady. And I part ways with them both.

On the subway ride home I am dozing off, I think about sarging. I think about the googly eyes women give me. I am a sexual being. I suddenly feel something on my leg. I open my eyes to see a gay mans hand on my knee. I slap his hand away and walk to the next car. Like I say to the ladies, I am not some piece of meat

Lets Sum Up Shall We

Sticking Points

1)I should stay in sets till I close
2)I should push the sexual escalation
3)I should overcome my social programing

Bonus Points

1)Amazing DHV
2)Great Storytelling
4)I number closed
5)Hard kino (no pun intended)


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