My Feelings Toward Joe D Today

August 29, 2008 at 7:25 am (Bio, Thoughts)

So I decided to post my current feelings on the bootcamp I took with Joe Doyle back in late June. This is what I posted:

“Yeah Joes a cool guy and all but a few things

1) Once Joe got my money it was almost impossible to set a date for the bootcamp, He didnt respond to e-mails or phone calls, Had to have Blitz intervine twice for him to call me back.

2) I felt Joe was unprepared to deal with my issues as a student. At one point he even asked me what he should do to help me. When your instructor asks you that you know your in trouble.

3) Joe tended to make things worse for me at times. Like telling me things while I was sarging like “You need to start buying bigger clothes” or “I’ve done everything I can to get your energy up and every other student I’ve done that with has worked your the only one that it hasn’t worked on, I’m at a loss” While I appreciate candor, things like this should be said AFTER your sarge night not during because it made me freak out and get in my head.

4) Joe refused to do Day Game, he just repeated what was on the show because he said he hated day game and felt that it was incongruent with me, I got the impression that he was worried that If I did day game I would get blown out, ruin the high I had and I would be unsatisfied.

5) At the end of the first night I felt Joe gave up on me, he told me about the venusian arts return policy and emphasized that I would not get a refund if I did not follow their system. At the time I felt like he was covering his bases and he was giving up on me as a student.

6) Joe did two demos, one was approaching two girls at a bar with one of his pivots. He made them laugh then ejected, the other was a stripper, he did close but he went for the e-mail instead of a number. I found both the demos kind of disappointing considering I have seen other PUA’s who are non instructors due more impressive sarges.

7) Sometimes I wondered about Joes advice, for example when he told me I needed to be high energy in set, I asked him how to do that and he told just to do it. When i pressed him because I found his answer stupid, he started doing the shrink thing (which i hate by the way) which is answering a question with a question “well what do you think?”.  He told me to “have fun” and to “just be high energy” I remember thinking that if I could just flip a switch in my head to make me high energy and have fun I would not be taking the bootcamp. Besides how can I have fun when…

A) I am self concious due to Joe’s clothes comment

B) I am freaking out because while were at bootcamp or saying things like “out of all my students, your not getting it”

8) I had to pick all the venues we were going to as well as back up venues, for example on Friday we started at Plunge but due to the rain Joes pivots wanted to leave so we left Plunge and I had to come up with alternative venues (which were voided when his pivots bailed on us).  Joe was also specific in his venues needs which kind of left me at a loss he wanted to go to more of a club enviorment when I most of the places I know about are loungues. At one point we almost went to Webster Hall (I was at a loss for clubs) and at the last minute Joe told me we would not go there because his friends who would be going out with us told him Webster Hall was lame. We wound up at park which luckly everyone enjoyed and there was actually a decent night.

9) Joe said he would teach me Dance Floor game but I didnt learn anything.  He didnt teach anything and seemed to make excuses. He made statements like “yeah dance flloor game is hard and not fit for you”.

To sum up, while I did enjoy my time with Joe, I feel that my 2 grand could have been better spent. I have had success after the bootcamp but its been by doing direct game and non routine systems which is what I was doing before. I would have asked for my money back but I felt that I wouldnt have gotten it back because it could have come down to just Venusian arts saying “I didnt try hard enough”. Its a expensive lesson learned.”

Joe’s probably gonna be pissed or he will just blow me off as a guy who wanted a magic pill. I’m honestly hopping he doesn’t respond because its really just my honest opinions of his teaching style. I hope he doesn’t take it as a slam but actually maybe thinks if I might have a some points.

I don’t blame Joe completely on the failure of my bootcamp I know my AA had a hand in the outcome of the weekend. But I keep thinking that at times Joe’s actions made it worse and he just had no clue with dealing with it. I felt like he wrote me off, after the first night.

Yes the second night was better but did I get to that next level in my game? The answer is sadly no. Yes Joe is an awesome cat, I have no ill will against him but he should not be running bootcamps, hes not prepared for it. I couldn’t let me original report sit on the net possibly getting newbies to pay 2 grand for a waste of time.

Every single ounce of success in this blog since that bootcamp has been done using RSD material that Joe dismissed as showing too much interest and would never work. I got more out of the 800 dollars I spent in the Flawless Natural Seminar than I did in the 2 grand I wasted on Joe Doyle. I only wished I would have not buckled to the pressure tactics that I experienced when I tried to cancel my boot camp after being ignored by Joe.

Always trust your gut. Its a hard lesson learned and expensive too.

For the record I have no ill feelings toward Joe. I think he is a very nice guy and I enjoyed his company as a person. I only have issues with him as a teacher…


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Oh Ye Old Chode Days….

August 26, 2008 at 9:39 pm (Bio)

 So in Fred’s blog, he spoke about his x-girlfriend. This got me thinking on my past relationships and how they have affected me in other words how they have shaped my chodeness. So lets begin:

I’m not going into my childhood or my teen years after i lost my virginity (which is a post in itself). So our story takes place when way back when I was 18.

Michelle AKA Psycho Bitch From Hell


Before I met Michelle I actually had some decent game. I was bedding girls off the net, mostly chubby girls because I had some huge self esteem issues and didn’t believe that a skinny hot girl would like me. I remember one girl I pulled of the net, and wound up banging her back in my room later that day.

I met Michelle because my buddy Paul from high school was friends with her in his college, in hisgh school & college we would play RPG’s of all types, Marvel Super Heroes, D&D, AD&D, Shadow Run, Heroes, Star Wars… you get the idea. Anyway at the time Fox had aired and canceled a show that was HUGE in Puerto Rico, it was called Kindred: The Embraced, which turned out was based on a RPG game called Vampire The Masquerade. Anyway I soon began to run Vampire Masquerade get together at my folks place. Michelle came over to play….did I mention that we dressed up like our characters? Yes I was THAT GUY.

So chode….will it ever wash away.

Anyway I wound up ignoring Michelle which turned her on and boom next thing I know were making out in her car in front of my house. Yes it was an epic romance, I was now with a woman who I found exotic and cool. She was goth and a rocker. She liked comics and knew allot of things about the states. I thought she was the coolest, how lucky a chode like myself was with a amazing woman such as her. I was cherishing in the night. Our romance lasted 2 weeks then I went on a 3 week vacation with my folks, all I wanted to do during the vacation was get back home to her. When I got back, her reaction was “Oh…you’re back….huh…thats…cool”

Yeah she dumped my ass. I remember having the stupidest conversation with her. I was crying in my car as I told her that she was like a cat and no one cold hold her, she walked to her own path. So lame…so very lame. Anyway the “relationship” soon deteriorated to lackey or orbiter. I would hang out with her, hoping to make out with her, when she got the whim to do so.

Allot of my insecurities and chodeness comes from Michelle. She was verbally and mentally abusive toward me. She would call me stupid, fat, ugly. I remember she would make me listen to a song and then would quiz me on what it meant. If I didn’t get it right she would berate me. She also would hit on other guys in front of me. I didn’t even get sex from this woman! The most I did was go down on her and get a hand job. Still got to admit Michelle was a master of sexuality, she knew how to be very seductive, now i could probably see through it but for a horny 18 year old she had me wrapped around her little finger.

Anyway the relationship ended when I went to San Francisco on vacation with them and told her to go fuck herself in front of her parents. 3 days of her attitude caused me to snap.

For 3 years i would get anxiety attacks if I bumped into her in a mall or something. One of the best days of my life was the day that I saw her and thought to myself “what the fuck did I ever see in this woman?”

Next up we got Jaimie.

I met Jaimie through hotmail personals. We soon met and were making out in 20 minutes. We were together for about 3 months. I took her virginity and we fucked like bunnies. But I was very chode and the relationship began to deteriorate. Michelle’s scars were still fresh and I was insecure and needy. She claimed to be Bi-Sexual even though she never had a lesbian experience. She had two friends one was a girl who came out and was a full lesbian and the other a guy who would turn gay to straight every week you spoke to them. They would rent the same movies every week and watch them religiously “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” & “The Amazing Adventures Two Girls In Love”. I always had an issue with this, I felt that being gay to them was more about a “tittle” than to actually BE gay. But whatever.

Anyway her friends hated me which didn’t help. My friends were chodes and she got along with them okay but we would do the usual shit. Go hang at the mall, watch movies, yada yada.

She started going to a shrink for depression. During one session she told her doctor that she felt she needed to be a certain way with me than she was with her friends. To which she told Jaimie that she should be herself and should be around people who shes herself with. So she dumped my ass. And by AIM too! One of more pathetic ways I’ve been dumped.

Last I heard shes a full lesbian now. She has an Internet relationship with another lesbian who shes never met. I said hi to her once and was told to fuck off (I guess she doesnt want a reminder that she actually enjoyed penis in her life). Whatever Ill still be the first dick that was in her pussy first nyah nyah!

After Jaimie I was single for a few years, fucking fatties here or there. When I met…



I met Mariel on ICQ (old computer geeks may be going daaaaaaaaaaaamn right about now) we soon hit it off and had an insane connection. She had a boyfriend at the time and I became an orbiter. Then I wound up being the rebound guy when her boyfriend dumped her. Its funny because our “relationship” wound up being intense, we would have huge fights, yet be all over each other. You can ad her to yet another woman who i consider an important milestone in my life. You see all Mariel wanted was an alpha guy who new how to play the game. She wanted a guy who knew how to handle her, how to handle her moods, how to make her feel dominated. She loved me but I wasn’t that guy. I was Ubber Chode.

I still talk to Mariel, she really started me on this path to discovering myself and what social dynamics are all about. I will always have a special place in my heart for Mariel but it would never work out between us. Funny thing is now Mariel is in my position, shes some guys orbiter. Karma is a bitch hehehehe!

Finally we come to Franca.


This was my last chode girlfriend. I met Franca on E-Harmony once I moved to New York. Believe it or not I had allot of luck on e-harmony and Franca was a great choice, she was a an actress and we would attack each other in bed. I had thought that all my chodiness would leave when I moved to NYC I blamed all my bad habits and miserable dating life to living in Puerto Rico where I just didn’t fit in. But after 3 months things starting going south. I was very needy and wanting to spend time with her 3 days a week. I was always whinnying about my problems. I told her insane things like I loved her after 3 weeks of dating. Yeah I was psycho chode.

So one day she met me after work and told me we should go to the park. I was all happy and peppy because I was with my girl. She kissed me and held my hand as we walked into the park. We sat down and she held my hand. Then she looked me in the eye and told me that it was over and we should see other people.

The bitch dumped me mafia style. It was a professional hit. When I think about it, I picture myself with Bambi eyes not seeing her sharpening her knife for the slaughter. Like a Nazi soldier telling a POW

“Hey let me show you something behind the shed” then hearing a gun shot in the distance.

Whats a real kick in my ass about this last relationship was that had I just been honest with her and not tried to play the role of boyfriend I would probably still be with Franca. I also wanted to see other people, I remember in school I kept meeting women and lusting after them. I would beat myself up about it for being a bad boyfriend. Had I just chilled out and just enjoyed dating Franca and OTHER WOMEN, I probably would have gotten some real game in me. But what ifs dont make the world turn.

I was devastated and the months following that brutal break up, were pathetic. My e-harmony matches soon dried up and the fatties stopped calling. In November I called my buddy Juan in PR and asked him how i could turn around this horrible love life. He started talking to me about a show on VH1 and the rest is well history…

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To Thy Self Always Be True…

August 18, 2008 at 2:54 pm (Field Report, Inner Game)

God what a weekend! I have to say that this weekend was probably the most educational ones I have ever had plus I feel like I have reached a new level. Now allot of you will probably think, awesome I cant wait to reach that next level in my “game”. This is definitely the case I do feel a sense of joy but with each new level comes new problems that you have never noticed before.

Friday was probably one of the more frustrating days I had that week. Don’t get me wrong I still had a blast. Whenever Fred is around having fun is a given. We all hit up sets, Fred opened quite a few, I noticed that he does have AA but its funny because its not your normal type of AA. Fred has loopholes. For example if I point out a set that is a few feet away from him, Fred will jump in. However If I point out a set across the room or a distance where Fred will be by himself for even a few seconds he will stall himself out. I also noticed that you cant prep Fred for a set or else he will stall himself out. Hes running on pure instinct.

This is great for someone who has been in the game for only two months. I remember in my first two months I would approach maybe 3 sets (if I was lucky) and I couldn’t even hold a conversation. Fred got a insanely hot Brazilian to ask him for his number! I almost feel sorry for women when he starts to grow more and more in his “game”.

And back to me. Well the problem I was having on Friday was that I was forcing the sexual intent. I was trying to be Mr. Sex Guy which did not work at all. I mean if you new me you would think this was the funniest shit in the world. Heres the deal, I hate porn. I don’t like to see ejaculations or extreme close ups on vagina’s. I hate seeing shots other dudes units going into her love tunnel. Don’t like the close ups some of these directors have where your getting a shot of the dudes ass (what is up with that?). I actually get off to Cinemax porn. Yes I am into Skinemax.

So I kept pushing sexual intent in my interactions and it came off as needy or just weird. I ruined a kiss close with a girl by trying to kiss her in front of her friend. She was clearly into me but after that it fizzled out, I came off as a guy who wanted something from her instead of the cute guy who could have been fun.

Then came the worse point of the night when after hearing Steve (another PUA we know) talk about how you had to go sexual, I tried to sarge a cougar that was in a set of Love Pirates. I tried to push the kino very hard and tried to grab and kiss her but all that served was to get both L.P and I blown the fuck out. L.P was pretty ticked off, turns out he was sarging both girls to have a double make out and possibly a threesome.

I realized that night that I was trying way to hard. I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I was trying to be Mr. Sex Guy and thats L.P’s niche not mine. I decided the next night that I would just try to be me in every set the next night.

But that turned out to be harder than expected…

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Learning Games

August 15, 2008 at 4:36 pm (Field Report)

Last night Raven and I hit Plunge, I knew the crowd would suck when we got in with no hassle whatsoever for not having girls. I figured allot of folks stayed in due to the weather (scattered thunderstorms…please I survived 3 hurricanes bitches) and I was right, it was pretty dead although as the night progressed a few nice looking girls walked in.

I was very stifled. I have been lately on Thursdays, I think its because I have been listening allot to Tyler speak on inner game and psychology which I find fascinating but tends to get in my head. I did not approach once last night, I just didn’t feel like it, call it AA or laziness I just was very bleh. When I’m in state this does not happen. I have no fear. I jump into set after set and I’m on. Still it was Thursday what like to call Experimentation Day or Fuck Up Day, were everything can go wrong its allowed hell its encouraged.

Yesterday could have been seen as chode by my part due to my lack of opening but I learned allot. I observed Jason’s first set in the night and man I read her like a book! I could tell she was into him due to her body language and facials expression. She kept leaning in to talk to him, getting her face very close. She laughed and smiled but I could also tell something else. I could tell she was waiting for him to escalate the set. He kept doing the purposeless hand of doom by just touching her shoulder whenever she kino touched her. I saw the interaction start very strong and then I saw her face change and it was like she screamed “This guy wont touch me! Hes a pussy” Not that Raven’s a pussy, because he is far from it but he showed lack of intent.

The set soon ended afterwards.

Our other set proved to be the most educational. Raven opened a “throw away” two set of two women who he found unattractive. Well it hooks and I wing him, quite naturally frankly. Our winging dynamic is getting pretty good we dont use the stupid “have your seen Michele?” line or the “whos the good girl” crap, I usually go up to him and ask him if he wants a drink while hes in set (something ANYONE would do) and he brings me in, with his body language he indicates to me who his target is.

I’m getting distracted from my lesson. Heres what happened. My girl in the set at first was a little resistant to me. It seemed at first like she didn’t want to talk, so i kept talking making jokes (very low key mind you) and little by little she opened up. Next thing I know, I learned that one of her x’s is now a porn star, her other x is a Mexican who is in jail, she was from LA and move here, she likes pickles and stripper name would be Princess Mckingly. All through out this i kept trying to kino but the closer i got to her the more she would move away. It was funny, it was like we were doing a dance.

Now if it wasn’t for Jason I would have ejected from that set once I started getting kino resistance but heres the funny thing. I decided to just be myself, I made her laugh,we talked and when we merged back with Jasons set, we even did some role playing. We kept getting divorced, married, and wound up as fuck buddies. By plowing I was changing the course of the interaction, I even got offered a drink by her. Toward the end I number closed and realized why I had such a hard time with her.

She was hurt before, her x boyfriend now in jail a two year relationship down the drain. To face the possibility of going down that road again had left her paranoid. She liked me, both Jason and I could tell but she was scared and tried to dissuade me. To which I disregarded her protests of being older than me. I finally looked her dead in the eye and said “I just want to enjoy your company”. I got the number and gave her a kiss on both cheeks and I felt a sexual energy when I did that, I was gentle and touched her face as I kissed her cheeks and squeezed her arm good bye.

Its interactions like this that make me love the game. When you learn something in your set and grow as a person. When you make a real connection with someone and all the bullshit and games just fall away.

This is why I hate routines. Routines is all about pushing buttons and manipulation. Its all about acting one way and meaning something else. Those PUA’s who get good at routines are just button pushers. Do they have real connections with women? Maybe but not after a bit of time.

Newbies also get fucked by routines. I cant tell you how many interactions I screwed up because I was worried what my action would say, all my interactions had a vibe of us vs them. Just last week a member on the forum was talking about how he said no to a date with a woman who’s company he truly enjoyed to go out with one who he didn’t know because he didn’t want to seem to eager to spend time with the girl who he had an interest in. He didn’t want to loose value in her eyes so he said no. Then it blew up in his face when he saw her that night holding hands with another guy.

Another PUA I know waved over a girl he liked at a bar, she smiled and waved him over. For about a minute they had a battle of who should come over before she just turned her back to him to talk to her friends. I then told him he should go over to talk to her (because she clearly liked him) he told me he couldn’t because if he went over then it would look like he was to eager because he lost the waving over battle.

I looked at him like he was an idiot, walked over tapped the girl and said

“Have you met my friend? OMG! You have to meet this guy hes so cool”

I dragged her over to him and introduced them


Heres my point, guys if you like something then fucking go for it. Stop giving a crap if you “look needy” or “show to much interest” just go over and take what you want. If I like a girl and she doesn’t respond to my phone calls, Ill text her if that doesn’t work ill e-mail her and then ill start the whole process again. I don’t care if she tells me to fuck off at least I know I pushed it and went for what I wanted. The only way your needy is if you look at the girl as being above you, if you say this woman is out of my league, she has more value than me, ect. Thats fucking needy but if you honestly like the woman and know that no matter what type of reaction you have whether she squeals for joy at your voice or tells you to fuck off, your mood stays the same because deep down you know that tomorrow is another day filled with women who are equally cool if not more so than this girl.

Thats the abundance mentality. Abundance mentality doesn’t sound like “I’m the shit! I banged 5 girls! Fuck this bitch! Shes missing out yo!”. No it sounds like this “Girls come and go, if this one leaves then she leaves but there will always be another to take her place”

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Kiss and Tell

August 8, 2008 at 3:47 pm (Field Report)

Last night I hit plunge with Raven and bumped into every PUA and instructor in the east coast area. The RSD boys from the forum where there,  Fader and his crew from Mystery Method where there and both Saad and Alex were running bootcamps.

To be honest guys I thought I would have a chode night, I was not approaching, I was a chode in front of Alex (should have treated him like any other guy but still have that bad habit of giving instructors more value), was getting weird looks. Then as the night progressed I just started letting go, almost made out with a very hot Russian cougar but she had her own drama going on and her orbiter came in and I honestly thought I was going to see an actually fist fight between them.

One True Matt, Raven and I were just laid back enjoying the Jerry Springer episode unfold in front of us. When they left to make their drama mobile. I opened a hot cougar and her friend. I was kinoing like crazy. Raven came in and locked into my target but I didn’t care so i pawned her off on him while i sarged the friend, turns out the girl was a lesbian but luckily lesbians are Warlocks best friends and we were chilling just hanging out and cracking jokes.

Raven makes out with his target when suddenly midget HB cougar interrupts him makes a joke and his target leaves cracking up. Raven and I chilled and start busting on this girl. At this point something weird happens, I just get sexual. I’m not horny or needy but I’m talking about sex LIKE ITS NOT A BIG DEAL in fact like its funny. Suddenly were telling this girl she wants to have a Asian and Latino sandwich. I kind of ignore her to tell Jason how it really sucks when a woman doesn’t know how to kiss.

“Why are you a good kisser?” she asks.

I nod and give her a “what are you stupid? of course” look

“Let me show you”

I grab her by the back of the head.


She says im a good kisser, I shrug, she tells me shes married, shows me the ring. I shrug and tell her that she kisses like a married woman. She asks me what that means I tell her that she kisses like she wants more. She laughs and asks what else i could tell from her kiss. I call her a slow burn, that she starts out all sweet in bed and then suddenly the claws come out out and I imitate a lion and roar and I act like the guy in her bed scream “OH MY GOD! JESUS CHRIST” Then proceed to act out being attacked by her.

She almost pees herself laughing.

But she leaves because she has ADD.

And thats great, I’m on a high. Last set of the night. I didn’t think I would have had such an experience but I plowed, I pushed my comfort zone, I would have stayed and sarged but sadly it was time to put on my glasses and become Clark Kent but you know what? Once that bell rings and we clock out my duty calls.

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August 6, 2008 at 4:46 pm (Bio, Inner Game)

Its been a interesting week. I started speaking to a girl who pretty much sparked my road to game, I wound up going chode and spilling my guts on how much she meant to me yada, yada. She took it in a neutral way which threw me for a loop.

For about 3 days I wondered if she liked me or not. I also thought about my role in the game. What do I want out of this? And what would make me stop?

In my opinion there are certain guys who get into the game.

The Pussy Hunter – These guys get in the game to get off. I see them like big game hunters on safari. They are on the prowl for that great lay or to just get notches on their bedpost. Which is not a bad thing, I mean we all have penises. But trust me this is more than sex to me, I did the whole sex route. I’ve gotten laid, but simply getting off is something i could do with porn or paying for a call girl. Players and horn dogs tend to fall into this category.

The Tin Men – These are the guys who have a chip on their shoulder. They are the guys who got hurt because they were orbiters or super chodes. Now they have a us against them mentality and want to get even with women. They claim that they don’t have a heart. They carry their axes and are ready to swing. Social robots, neg kings, and people afraid of intimacy fall in this category.

The Romeos – These are the guys who are looking for their princess. The guys looking for a wife or a long term girlfriend. They are the complete opposite of Tin Men. They want to express love and make a woman feel like shes fallen into a cheesy romance novel.

When I finally spoke to her she gave me the usual “lets just be friends speech”. I was sad and almost threw myself a pity parade but then I stopped myself and said “Wait whats wrong with this girl? Doesn’t she realize what she just passed up? I’m THE David. I’m not some 22 year old chode (7 years her junior) who wont pay attention to her. What a retard!”

And I really meant it, I could not for the life of me understand how utterly stupid this girl was. I mean I’m the Moeby Dick of catches. I really believe that. Which of course makes me feel amazing. Because this is just a step closer to my goal of the ultimate abundance mentality.

Yesterday she called me crying and asked for my advice which I gave. After she got her validation she hung up. I sat there and for about a minute or two I thought “Wow that felt good. I got to make her feel better yay”

Of course I realize that I was being a chode. I slapped myself and screams “Whats wrong with you?! Your not a chode!”. I realized that I jumped through her hoop and gave her the validation she needed to feel better because she cant get it from herself. She wants to make me her orbiter because turns out her last one jumped ship. Fuck that! I did that with my x and I have no interest in doing a version 2.0 more chode for more time!

I spoke to Love Pirate and I realized that this entire experience has made me realize what I want out of the game and what I value. I want intimacy with a woman. I want to be that guy they had an amazing experience with who they will remember for the rest of their lives. I want to be the Don Juan of New York. Its not about sex, its about the romance and connection. So I suppose if you had to classify me then I am a Romeo.

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Push It! Push It Real Good!

August 1, 2008 at 6:55 pm (Field Report, Inner Game)

Last night was experimentation day and even though I was not in state I forced myself to open sets and push my comfort zones. There are allot of reasons why I had problems achieving state last night. The most common one is being outcome dependent. I think it all stems with the ridiculous idea that I have in my head that I will somehow magically find a new twist or turn that will take me to the next level in my game.

This is a bad idea to have, game tends to evolve naturally for me over time. Even the best in this took months or years to get to true mastery. I tend to see guys like Fred and Rudey who took boot camps and suddenly are pulling and get angry at myself for not being better. But lets be honest each of them can tell me a million reasons why they evolved and it had nothing to do with a magic pill or new trick or line.

Its all about pushing your comfort zone. How bad do you want it? Can you go through the pain of being in a set where the women clearly don’t want you there? Can you not flinch when a woman tells you fuck off? When set after set gives you the Quasimodo face? Can you go up to a 10 and start a conversation? Can you stay unaffected?

I learned this the hard way with Joe D’s boot camp. I threw a pity party for myself, I had Joe ream me out at the bar, I had women look at me with disgust and men laugh or ignore me. I wanted to cry, I wanted to run away, I wanted to go back to the days of cinemax porn and video games.

But I got up the next day and went back out there. And you cant really ask for more.

Every time I go out, I expect to push myself and jump into the waters of social pressure. The problem is that I am my worst critic and always fall short of my goals.

Last night…

1)I opened a 2 set, which required me to keep two women engaged, defend myself against shit test galore, a mother hen and actually had a girl stay and talk to me effectively squashing a pull away. So think about that for a minute, I had such high value that a woman ignored her friends who were trying to pull her away. Of course she still left because I didn’t stack forward, but thats a first!

2)I had a woman by me a drink…another first

3)I actually opened a 9, made her laugh and reopened her a little later on

4)I went direct with a woman

5)I was never blown out with any approach. I just ejected because the energy fizzled out due to me not being in state and not escalating

Oh and I did not use one magic trick.

These are all things I have never done before or positive things. But yet I wanted to do more. I wanted to go sexual, I wanted to pull, I wanted to kiss, to dominate, to have my sexual intent to be felt, etc. I am not satisfied, I always want more which is my drive. Question is, is this a merit of mine or a flaw? I guess it depends on how I feel at the end of the night.

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