Oh Ye Old Chode Days….

August 26, 2008 at 9:39 pm (Bio)

 So in Fred’s blog, he spoke about his x-girlfriend. This got me thinking on my past relationships and how they have affected me in other words how they have shaped my chodeness. So lets begin:

I’m not going into my childhood or my teen years after i lost my virginity (which is a post in itself). So our story takes place when way back when I was 18.

Michelle AKA Psycho Bitch From Hell


Before I met Michelle I actually had some decent game. I was bedding girls off the net, mostly chubby girls because I had some huge self esteem issues and didn’t believe that a skinny hot girl would like me. I remember one girl I pulled of the net, and wound up banging her back in my room later that day.

I met Michelle because my buddy Paul from high school was friends with her in his college, in hisgh school & college we would play RPG’s of all types, Marvel Super Heroes, D&D, AD&D, Shadow Run, Heroes, Star Wars… you get the idea. Anyway at the time Fox had aired and canceled a show that was HUGE in Puerto Rico, it was called Kindred: The Embraced, which turned out was based on a RPG game called Vampire The Masquerade. Anyway I soon began to run Vampire Masquerade get together at my folks place. Michelle came over to play….did I mention that we dressed up like our characters? Yes I was THAT GUY.

So chode….will it ever wash away.

Anyway I wound up ignoring Michelle which turned her on and boom next thing I know were making out in her car in front of my house. Yes it was an epic romance, I was now with a woman who I found exotic and cool. She was goth and a rocker. She liked comics and knew allot of things about the states. I thought she was the coolest, how lucky a chode like myself was with a amazing woman such as her. I was cherishing in the night. Our romance lasted 2 weeks then I went on a 3 week vacation with my folks, all I wanted to do during the vacation was get back home to her. When I got back, her reaction was “Oh…you’re back….huh…thats…cool”

Yeah she dumped my ass. I remember having the stupidest conversation with her. I was crying in my car as I told her that she was like a cat and no one cold hold her, she walked to her own path. So lame…so very lame. Anyway the “relationship” soon deteriorated to lackey or orbiter. I would hang out with her, hoping to make out with her, when she got the whim to do so.

Allot of my insecurities and chodeness comes from Michelle. She was verbally and mentally abusive toward me. She would call me stupid, fat, ugly. I remember she would make me listen to a song and then would quiz me on what it meant. If I didn’t get it right she would berate me. She also would hit on other guys in front of me. I didn’t even get sex from this woman! The most I did was go down on her and get a hand job. Still got to admit Michelle was a master of sexuality, she knew how to be very seductive, now i could probably see through it but for a horny 18 year old she had me wrapped around her little finger.

Anyway the relationship ended when I went to San Francisco on vacation with them and told her to go fuck herself in front of her parents. 3 days of her attitude caused me to snap.

For 3 years i would get anxiety attacks if I bumped into her in a mall or something. One of the best days of my life was the day that I saw her and thought to myself “what the fuck did I ever see in this woman?”

Next up we got Jaimie.

I met Jaimie through hotmail personals. We soon met and were making out in 20 minutes. We were together for about 3 months. I took her virginity and we fucked like bunnies. But I was very chode and the relationship began to deteriorate. Michelle’s scars were still fresh and I was insecure and needy. She claimed to be Bi-Sexual even though she never had a lesbian experience. She had two friends one was a girl who came out and was a full lesbian and the other a guy who would turn gay to straight every week you spoke to them. They would rent the same movies every week and watch them religiously “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” & “The Amazing Adventures Two Girls In Love”. I always had an issue with this, I felt that being gay to them was more about a “tittle” than to actually BE gay. But whatever.

Anyway her friends hated me which didn’t help. My friends were chodes and she got along with them okay but we would do the usual shit. Go hang at the mall, watch movies, yada yada.

She started going to a shrink for depression. During one session she told her doctor that she felt she needed to be a certain way with me than she was with her friends. To which she told Jaimie that she should be herself and should be around people who shes herself with. So she dumped my ass. And by AIM too! One of more pathetic ways I’ve been dumped.

Last I heard shes a full lesbian now. She has an Internet relationship with another lesbian who shes never met. I said hi to her once and was told to fuck off (I guess she doesnt want a reminder that she actually enjoyed penis in her life). Whatever Ill still be the first dick that was in her pussy first nyah nyah!

After Jaimie I was single for a few years, fucking fatties here or there. When I met…



I met Mariel on ICQ (old computer geeks may be going daaaaaaaaaaaamn right about now) we soon hit it off and had an insane connection. She had a boyfriend at the time and I became an orbiter. Then I wound up being the rebound guy when her boyfriend dumped her. Its funny because our “relationship” wound up being intense, we would have huge fights, yet be all over each other. You can ad her to yet another woman who i consider an important milestone in my life. You see all Mariel wanted was an alpha guy who new how to play the game. She wanted a guy who knew how to handle her, how to handle her moods, how to make her feel dominated. She loved me but I wasn’t that guy. I was Ubber Chode.

I still talk to Mariel, she really started me on this path to discovering myself and what social dynamics are all about. I will always have a special place in my heart for Mariel but it would never work out between us. Funny thing is now Mariel is in my position, shes some guys orbiter. Karma is a bitch hehehehe!

Finally we come to Franca.


This was my last chode girlfriend. I met Franca on E-Harmony once I moved to New York. Believe it or not I had allot of luck on e-harmony and Franca was a great choice, she was a an actress and we would attack each other in bed. I had thought that all my chodiness would leave when I moved to NYC I blamed all my bad habits and miserable dating life to living in Puerto Rico where I just didn’t fit in. But after 3 months things starting going south. I was very needy and wanting to spend time with her 3 days a week. I was always whinnying about my problems. I told her insane things like I loved her after 3 weeks of dating. Yeah I was psycho chode.

So one day she met me after work and told me we should go to the park. I was all happy and peppy because I was with my girl. She kissed me and held my hand as we walked into the park. We sat down and she held my hand. Then she looked me in the eye and told me that it was over and we should see other people.

The bitch dumped me mafia style. It was a professional hit. When I think about it, I picture myself with Bambi eyes not seeing her sharpening her knife for the slaughter. Like a Nazi soldier telling a POW

“Hey let me show you something behind the shed” then hearing a gun shot in the distance.

Whats a real kick in my ass about this last relationship was that had I just been honest with her and not tried to play the role of boyfriend I would probably still be with Franca. I also wanted to see other people, I remember in school I kept meeting women and lusting after them. I would beat myself up about it for being a bad boyfriend. Had I just chilled out and just enjoyed dating Franca and OTHER WOMEN, I probably would have gotten some real game in me. But what ifs dont make the world turn.

I was devastated and the months following that brutal break up, were pathetic. My e-harmony matches soon dried up and the fatties stopped calling. In November I called my buddy Juan in PR and asked him how i could turn around this horrible love life. He started talking to me about a show on VH1 and the rest is well history…


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