Brand New Day

January 1, 2009 at 11:15 am (Uncategorized)

Last new years I spent in my apartment online eating doritos and feeling sorry for myself. I was single and depressed, that year I got laid by a boring overweight girl who owned two cats. The sex was horrible..mostly because she was pretty freaking boring and I wasnt into her but at the time I thought I might as well have sex because i never knew when I would have it again.

Isnt that a horrible way to live?

Well that new years eve I promised myself I would not have a new years eve like that again. I had to get things handled. I had to get some kind of control in my love life. I sat down and made a commitment with myself. And In a year I went from creepy needy guy to chill cool dude.  It was a long year, filled with ups and downs. I lost my job, I met amazing women, I made love to beautiful (inside and out) woman who In my chode days would have never thought as someone i would kiss let alone have sex with, I had great nights like the night I had my first bar kiss and I had bad nights were I wound up crying in the corner of a bar. But you know what even the bad nights were better than me sitting in front of the computer at home watching old tv shows and stuffing my face full of pizza. My life is an adventure and everyday is a new blessing.

But you see I have this problem I tend to forget myself at times. I forget that I am a great guy. I’m not being egotistical when I say this. I am not saying I am some player or the coolest guy in the room. But I am a great guy that can make people smile. I have a great heart and I am a true friend. But I forget this some nights and I don’t trust myself into putting that guy out there. Like tonight I was so worried about having an amazing night that I didnt enjoy the night or the people. I keep thinking about scoring make outs or just plain scoring. And boy was that a horrible mentality. Its no wonder I blew my chances with a cool girl tonight or how the only make out I got turned out to be from a real jerk.

These are my sticking points

I dont trust myself

I keep forgeting to live in the moment.

When I follow these golden rules, everything opens up. I am in pure bliss. And I radiate light, I am the giver.  These are things I must work on this year. In fact I will be posting more on this journal. The reason I stopped was because I felt that I was using this blog to get an ego and yes I was but I think that If I just don’t pat myself on the back then I can continue to write here. So what are my goals this year?

1) To permanently become that cool chill dude…in fact to be the best me I can be at ALL TIMES

This one is first and will be the biggest and most rewarding resolution

2) I will become a better dancer

I seriously love to dance. Whenever the DJ plays a salsa or merengue song I simply have to let the beat take me. I thought I was good but when I went to a spanish club boy was I out danced. This year I want to seriously take my dancing skills to the next level.

3) I will to learn a new language.

Every night I go out, I meet so many different people from different places. I want to be able to speak a new language. I want to expand my mind to new cultures and knowledge. This is the year of the brain. I want to be a person who people look and say man he is so deep, he knows so much. I want to be a teacher to people I know.

This year has been the best year of my life. I was born again and I let that part of me who was always hiding out into the world. I want to thank all the teachers I met this year (The Judge, Love Pirate, Golden Child, as well as my professors in school) thank you for showing me the possibilities that were at my feet. I want to thank my fellow travelers to the path of self discovery (Raven, Phred, Hiro, Adonis, Distant Light and all the wonderful characters I meet every night). I want to thank all the women I met both the great ladies and horrible immature bitches I meet every night I go out, every experience has helped me grow.

I can honestly say that even with all my problems, I love my fucking life. I would not want to be anyone else. I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings. Thank you God.


1 Comment

  1. Fred said,

    Hey man….you truly have come a long way since I met you in May. You’ve dropped the lines and the magic tricks (cigarette lighter wallet lol) and have really shown girls that you’re a very chill big hearted guy. The real YOU.

    The only thing I can say is that I feel like sometimes you’re not present to whats around you. Like TRULY present. Soaking in the present moment is extremely important…and I think a lot of people forget that. When I walk into a club or a bar…I’m just so happy and excited. Why? Because I look at everyone at that given moment…from the girls dancing….to the guys trying to pick them up…to the bachlorette/birthday parties….and I soak in the moment. Before I start sarging, I just get pumped because a bar/club is a place where anything can happen and the energy is just amazing. If you could just slow yourself down, and relish on that energy…then you’ll be more carefree and present.

    So next time when you’re thinking about make outs and closes, and making sure you have an amazing night….just look at your environment…your playground. The fun and excitement and the experience will make you feel better.

    Zen moment over lol. Seriously man…it’s a blast the last couple of months. 2009 is where its at….transformations. You deserve all the success you get.

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