The Quest for Self Esteem

January 5, 2009 at 11:43 pm (Uncategorized)

So this past week has been pretty interesting. I find myself really sarging to feel good about myself which is never a good thing. For example on new years eve I was miserable because I had only one make out with a girl who turned out to be a real jerk. Then Thursday I felt better because I was being hugged and kissed by girls at plunge and I had some girl with huge tits ad me to facebook and invite me out on Friday to a dance soacial. That Friday I was sad because the girl with the huge tits ignored me at the venue but felt a little better when her good looking friend number closed me before I left, then I felt even better when I had an asian girl all over me at Plunge to feel like I was walking on air when that girls cute latina friend began to hit on me while my asian was passed out in my arms. Saturday I woke up and got sad when I read a “lets just be friends” message from the huged breasted girl from the night before. But then felt amazing when I had a very romantic date with my British cherish later that day and even got a call from the big titted friend who acted like a chode on the phone with me which made me feel like a pimp. Then I felt crappy when that night I went to plunge and got blown out by every girl in the venue.

If you can follow all of that then I admire you.

I am living day by day and only feeling happy when its from some external influence, in this case its women or rather how I am around women. Whether it be Super Sexy Dude or Romantic Alpha its part of what I have inside of me that appear sporadicly. I am living off my ego and that is no way to live because not only is it pretty lame but rather it is mentally exhausting. Yeah its great that I have women calling me and I am going on dates, dont get me wrong I am happy about that but it shouldn’t be the only thing making me happy. I should be happy when I am in my apartment with horrible allergies and watching bad tv. I should be happy and carefree after I have an awkward conversation with a girl over the phone.

I want to be that well rounded guy. Not a PUA or MPUA or whatever other nerd tittle I hear from other guys. Just a decent cool guy and I know I can be that guy. I think I just keep getting distracted with bad habits like looking for approval from certain guys or pinning my feelings on the way I do with women.

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