Insomnia Work Thoughts

January 8, 2009 at 9:50 am (Uncategorized)

So I cant sleep this seems to be a regular occurrence in my life since I became unemployed.  I think its the stress of just not really having an income that fucks with my sleep schedule. I have been unemployed for 2 months now going on 3 and hopefully it will end soon because even though unemployment rocks it doesn’t help me save any real income. I will say this though I still do not regret getting shit canned from my last job, occasionally I will think about how my life would be working in that shit hole, getting tooled on a daily basis, having to hear idiots complain about stress balls, having my boss tell me I should care about promotional products while at the same time cutting my bonus and not letting me have sick days. Yeah fuck that.

Still dont enjoy having to borrow money from the parental units or not be able to save for a vacation or anything else. But no money in the world would have my go back to that horrible work environment. Whats really weird is how my x coworkers tell me they miss me, its not that I dont believe them. Because I do and to certain extent I miss them too but only the good parts, I think the problem is that theres a big part of them that misses me not for me but for how I made them feel about themselves. “I feel good about my life because at least I’m not a weirdo looser like David…oh that guy what a lovable looser. ”

I went to a x-mas party my old boss threw and at first it wasn’t that bad, the tooling was tolerable. Then the alcohol came out and I had the red head I had a crush on at work treat me like I was a disgusting pig and the guy who claimed to be my buddy begin to call me “chode” and talk about the pick up artist.

Yeah im not bitter. Ha!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that no money in the world is worth a mentally healthy environment. I don’t think anyone can really survive putting in so much of their time when they are slowly having their self esteem eaten away. I think the only people who can overcome that are people who are so centered in who they are that eventually the environment is forced to change to fit into their strong reality. Thats where I want to be by the end of the year. Have positivity so ingrained in me that negative outside forces just dissipate when they come in contact with me. I want to be radioactive positivity guy. Hmm that wouldn’t look so bad on a t-shirt

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1 Comment

  1. Northstar said,

    I can definitely relate to that last paragraph. My current job is a hellhole that I cannot wait to escape, but for complicated reasons I have to wait until after this summer to quit.

    I think that your idea of the radioactive positivity guy is a great one, and in fact I often think about that person who makes the environment bend to their own powerful personality. But still, nobody is powerful enough to come into a shitty environment and make it a great one.. there’s only so much good you can do. You become your environment, and the most successful people seek out positive environments so they can truly flourish.

    So I guess my point is, set your sights higher than just being able to go back to that office and be “the man.” Instead, imagine a much better environment – you doing what you truly love, surrounded by other people who are as motivated as you are, making a ton of money and probably doing it on some tropical beach or something. It’s gotta be your dream, but… if your goal is just to be able to go back there and “show them!” or something you’re really capping your potential.

    Like the blog. Keep pimpin.

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